Behold the Horn King!
by bald-as-two-coots
Summary: Set after ATMBISBM, of course. Dave and Georgia are finally together, and Gee's struggling to tell Dave something V important. But Jas&Tom are having problems, and guess who's coming to live with the Nicolsons? Gee/Dave. May the Horn be with you. :D
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters you recognise and relationships between them etc etc, they belong to the amazing Louise Rennison. :) The plot is mine, however.**

**A/N: So, hi. This is my first Georgia Nicolson fanfic - well, my first ever fanfic, so here you are. :) After ALOT of trying and failing (about three years worth) I'm finally going to complete this fanfic. Just so I can say 'i have written and finished a fanfiction'.**

**Enjoy,**  
><strong>May the Horn be with you. :D<strong>

**Behold the Horn King!**

**Chapter 1: Her nungas kept her afloat**

**Monday 24th October**  
><strong> 3:46pm<strong>

I'm on a cliff.  
>In the Isle of Wight.<br>Freezing my bum-oley off.  
>How on earth did I get here? Oh wait, wait, I remember... Vati's job meant he had to stay here for a week, and decided to take us along with him. And by take, I mean they dragged me by my ears. Screaming. (Me, you fules.)<p>

I don't particularly want to think about it because I'd had to leave my super gorgey and marvy boyfriend Dave the Laugh. Sigh. I miss him.

**3 minutes later**

Why the bloody hell are we here in nowhere land in the middle of winter? Well, autumn, but that's just being picky.  
>It's BLOODY FREEZING.<br>I said that to Mutti, I said, 'Dearest Mutti, could you enquire to father why the bloody hell we are here in nowhere land nearing the end of BLOODY OCTOBER? Who's clever idea was that?'

**30 seconds later**

Mutti told me, and I quote, to 'shut your trap and don't use disrespectful language, and sort out your god forsaken hair you ungrateful teenager'.  
>Well.<p>

**2 seconds later**

This is when Mutti's foot slips in a hole in the ground (for a vole or something, I don't know), and goes, 'Oh BOLLOCKS! These are my newest bloody shoes! Stupid arse woodland creatures!'

I nearly corrected her by pointing out that we are on a cliff, so they would be cliff-land creatures... But I didn't.

**4:00pm**

Bugger. Just caught sight of my hair in Mutti's sunglasses (why she's wearing sunglasses is a mystery to me, unless clouds now have UV rays emitting from them). I look like Madusa.

I shouldn't be worried about my hair though, because my Hornmeister isn't around to see it.

**2 minutes later**

I'm being blown around like a fool on fool tablets by this sodding wind. I heard Mutti say over the whistling in my ears, 'Cor, it's rather bracing, isn't it?'  
>Bracing?<br>Rather?  
>Cor?<p>

I said, 'I feel like I'm in Wuthering Heights.'

**1 minute later**

I'm getting a bit worried about Libs. She'd better be holding on to Mutti's hand tight or she'll fly away.

**3 minutes later**

We've stopped, finally. Hurrah, I think feeling might just be coming back to my legs.  
>Mum said, 'Bob, how far along this cliff do you intend on taking us? It's not leading anywhere.'<br>Oh, praise the Lord, Mutti's finally seeing sense.

Then Vati said, 'I just want to go far enough along to see the sea.'

Ah well, I just can't have a normal family, can I?

Mutti glanced at me, and I just looked meaningfully at the sea either side of us. WE'RE ON TOP OF A CLIFF. Finally Mutti convinced Vati that Libby's head won't stay atop of her shoulders much longer in this wind so we started trudging back.

I got out my nail file and started work on my left hand when I suddenly fell down a rabbit hole.

**10 seconds later**

Ow, buggering ow. And also ouch. My ankle sort of twisted when it fell in the stupid hole. Oh well, it's not broken. But I tell you what is broken, my sodding nail.

I think I have actually gone red. It's probably because I can imagine Dave laughing at me in my head, and saying something like, 'Careful, Kittykat, if I'd been a bit closer you would've knocked me out with your nungas.'

If he were here.

Which he isn't.

**4 minutes later**

I wish I'd fallen down into Narnia or whatever, I tell you. I'm so bored with Vati rambling on about the grass and Libby trying to touch the cow's poo.

**2 minutes later**

Or is it Wonderland? Either way, I think I'd be a bit scared down there. The caterpillar smoking the pot creeps me out. Apparently the author was high when he wrote it.

I wouldn't be surprised.

**7 minutes later**

Oh, what larks. We were walking past a couple of cows that had wandered across the path for an afternoon stroll, and had to dodge them, especially me because I'd rather not be headbutted by one and land on my botty.

Then we all heard a strange sound and I turned, expecting to see Mutti on her bum-oley after falling over something. Probably let the weight of her basoomas overtake her and gone toppling to the ground.

But when I turned round I saw her stood upright, her cheeks flushed bright red. And behind her was a big dollop of cow poo with a skidmark through the middle of it.

Oh Blimey O Reilly's trousers, she'd quite literally stepped in the merde.

**1 minute later**

We all watched as she slipped her flip-flops off (honestly) and shook off the lumps of poo in them. And I must say it was rather pingy pongoes.

Libby and I were laughing like drains on laughing tablets. Well, I was laughing, whereas Libby sounded closer to a seizure.

**4 minutes later**

Libby actually asked a reasonably normal question. There's this big statue on top of this hill, and she said, 'What's that, Mummy?'

Mutti seemed a bit miffed that she wasn't talking about poo again, and that she actually called her 'mummy', but then said, 'That's a memorial for a poet.'

Blimey, he must've been a blooming good poet. It's huge. Maybe he was like Shakespeare, to have a huge pillar erected on top of a hill.  
>Then again, it is in the middle of nowhere.<p>

Libs said, 'He must of been a BIG poet.' Ohmygod she can mind read. Freaky-deaky.

**2 minutes later**

Oh great, now I've got a picture of an old bearded bloke perched on a cliff, writing a poem with his abnormally large bottom squishing a fold-up chair.

Like Nauseating P. Green's grandad.

**1 minute later**

Speaking of Shakespeare, it reminded me of the play we are being forced to do when we return to prison- sorry, SCHOOL - in September. I think it's something about Mice.

Oh wait, it's not Shakespeare at all - It's a book by some famous author called 'Of Mice and Men' (the book, not the author). Well, that's a rather silly title. I noticed no mice in the book when we had to read it (yes, I read it. I'm not sure why), apart from the one that the really tall guy crushes to death.

And frankly I didn't think that was a big enough part of the story to name the book after.

**2 seconds later**

Well, if you want to be all English-teacher-ish and poncy about it, I suppose it has a good foreshadowing effect for the book because obviously at the end he accidentally shakes the tart lady to death and it shows that he has no control over his actions and also hints at the helplessness of the mouse because even though Lennie loves it he kills it just like George has to kill Lennie although he loves him...

Oh dear. I think this wind has blown my head about a bit too much. I think I may actually be going mad.

**5 minutes later**

At the car park, at last. I never thought I'd be so happy to get back to the Clown Car. Well, relieved at least.  
>I can't believe Vati's making us drive around the place in this 'car'. He beeped the horn yesterday, 'just for a laugh'. And it doesn't just go 'beep', my friends. It goes 'beep beep bebebe BEEP'. Honestly. We drove through town getting some weird looks. But my dear old Vati just leaned out the window and cried, 'Feast your eyes, oh curious ones! Watch me in my sex-mobile!'<br>I nearly died.

**4:35pm**

I'm feeling rather sick, being in this car all day.

**5:00pm**

Home, home at last. Well, in the little one floor granny's apartment we're in. It's literally a box made of bricks. And a toilet. Vati caled it a 'challet'.  
>It does have a tv though, so I won't die of boredom. Much.<p>

**10 minutes later**

Decided to go with Mutti and Libby for a swim. It's only a short walk to the pool, so I said okay. Only if Mutti lets me ring Dave on her phone when we get back, though.

**At the pool**

Crikey, it's filled with little kids. Oh well, the deep end is empty.

**5:32pm**

Tried to do laps with Mum but she insisted I stay in the shallow end with Libs. I don't understand why, Libby can swim fine with her armbands.  
>I was going to be mature and do breast-stroke laps because the life-guard is rather yummy. No, no, red bottom! I am escewing you with a firm hand. In fact I am picking you up by the scruff of your neck and throwing you into the rubbish bin of life. Along with my old Italian Cakey. It was going mouldy anyway.<br>I have my lovely ripe juicy Dave the Tar-  
>Oh holy fishnets.<p>

**5 seconds later**

Libby has just launched herself into the pool and landed feet first on some poor little boy about a year younger than her. I thought he was going to scream his head off at first - that's what I would've done. But instead he just sort of bobbed in the water staring at nothing. Oh Lord Sandra, she's traumatised a child.

**5:40pm**

Playing a game with Libby. She has her goggles on, and I have to go underwater at the same time as her and make faces for her to laugh at. But I can't open my eyes so I have no idea what I look like.

**5:43pm**

Just found out. Libs told me I look like a Chinese person. On drugs, to be specific. I have no idea where she learns this stuff.

**5 minutes later**

Surfaced from the water just as I hear a whistle being blown and the fit lifeguard shouting 'Everyone get out the water now!' What? What had Libby done now?

**1 minute later**

Oh, it wasn't Libby. Apparently someone's kid had done a poo in the pool. What fresh hell...

**2 minutes later**

Oh look, the lifeguard's got his pole out. Oo-er.  
>He attatched a large fishing net to the pole and began searching the waters for the lurking mystery item. I couldn't see anything.<p>

**4 minutes later**

I feel dirty. I'd been swimming in that water not ten minutes ago. And had handfulls of it shoved in my mouth by Libby. Ew, ew. Ohmygod I might have poojitus or something. I might fall ill and die and never snog my marvy boyfriend ever again.

**10 minutes later**

Everyone's got a bit bored as the lifeguard still hasnt found anything. One guy went, 'You not found nuffin den mate?' He's obviously a bit on the dim side.  
>The lifeguard said something and pulled his net out, and then some porky girl pencil dived into the water which set everyone else off. I had to sheild Libby before she got washed away by the tsunami wave made by the man who jumped in near us.<p>

**6:00pm**

Out the pool. Having to dry Libby and get water out her ears. Honestly, I'm like her mother. Her real one is currently adjusting her nungas in the large mirror near us. They are quite literally humungous. They sort of bulge out of her swimsuit, which I swear is two sizes too small for her. But now I understand how she didn't get her hair wet.  
>Her nungas kept her afloat.<p>

**6:15pm**

Back at temporary prison, i.e our 'house'. I took Mutti's phone and shut myself in my bedroom.  
>Ohhh I have jelloid knickers. I dialed Dave's number.<p>

**15 seconds later**

Ring, ring. I feel all funny inside.

'Hello?'

'...Nnung.'

'Pardon? If you're calling from a werehouse, I'm not interested in anything you're selling.'

What was he on about?

'Dave, what in the name of pants are you on about?'

'Kittykat? I've missed you sexy!'

Ohmgiddygod he called me sexy! Woo! Okay, calm down brain. Breathe. He sounded really pleased to hear from me. I could just imagine his gorgey smile.

'Hornmeister, if I haven't told you before, I'm afraid I don't do phone sex.'

What was I talking about? Speaking of phone sex, I've heard my parents doing it before. Cringe times ten.

'Ah, my Sex Kitten is still her frigid self. Don't worry, the Biscuit's here.'

'I know, but is he really here?'

'I don't know, is he?'

'I don't know, is he?'

'I don't-'

'David, stop with this nonsense.'

There was silence. Oh bugger it, I'd called him David. He hates that.

'Erm...' Quick, change the subject, change the subject!

'Hornmeister, I am in need of your assistance.'

What was that? Oh shut up brain, talking to yourself.

'Kittykat, I would love to be of your rudey dudey assistance, but first you apologise for calling me that poncy name.'

'It's not poncy. I like it.'

'Well I don't. I'm still waiting for an apology.'

Ohh, I can't resist his gorgey voice. He sounds so, you know, when he's pretendy-grumpy.

'Okay Davey, I'm sorry. How can I make it up to you?'

'Well, a little rumachen unterhalb der Taille should do the trick. As long as I don't make you all jelloid and fall off the wall again.' Oh bums, he still remembers that...

'Dave, that was the first night you became my girlfriend, it's not my fault.'

'I know, you were just so pleased to have Jack le Biscuit all to yourself. But no worries, I'll ease up on you until you have a firm grip on your pants.'  
>He truly is insane.<p>

'Well, you may be waiting a while then. My sensible pants have gone running for cover after I heard the call of the Horn.'

Dave pretendy-gasped and said, 'Now now, I thought my Sex Kitten didn't do phone sex.'

I sighed. 'Dave, we may have to start talking about proper things soon. I'm not sure how long I'm allowed to talk to you for.'

'Oh, that makes me sad, Kitty. Are you on your Mutti's phone?'

'Oui.'

'Hmm. Well, this causes for only one thing, and one thing only.'

Oh, here we go.

'And what may that be, oh Hornly one?'

'Phone disco inferno dancing.'

I should've known.

**2 minutes later**

So, a quick trip to loonland doing disco dancing with Dave over the phone, which was cut off quite quickly by me hearing a crash and Dave saying quite faintly, 'Bugger, that's my best lamp...'

And then I had to go. I heard Mutti say (or scream) 'GEORGIA! GET OFF MY BLOODY PHONE!'

Charming.

It was a bit sad and a tiny bit awkward when we had to go. I didn't really know what to say.

'Erm, so I have to go, Davey.'

'Sad, saying goodbye to my Sex Kitten. But you'll be home soon.'

'Yes.'

'Expect big huggles and possibly some fondling when you get back to England.' I gasped. Cheeky Cat.

'I am in England, Dave.'

'I don't trust you. You may think you are, but your geoggers grades say otherwise.'

'How would you know my geoggers grades?'

'I'm away laughing on a fast camel, baby. Siganora and also buenos nochas from our heavy mustacheoed folk. I miss you,'

'I miss you too, Dave.'

'Bye.'

'Bye.'

I felt like there was something missing from the end of it.

**10:00pm**

Watching some comedy show with the folks. Libby keeps laughing hysterically at anything anyone says.

She fell over the doormat earlier and landed on her head though, so I have a reason to question her sanity.

**10:34pm**

Ohh, bored, bored. If it wasn't for my gorgeous Davey I may have been forced to join spinsterhood in spinster city.

Honestly, being in this household makes you want to immigrate immediately. Teehee, that's funny to think. Immigrate immediately. Like groovy grapes.  
>Or bubbling bananas. Although I don't know why bananas would be bubbling. Maybe you left them in the hot pot too long and they got carefully caremelised... Shut up now.<p>

I feel a little feverish.

**11:15pm**

Decided to leave the scene once Mutti and Vati got the vino out. I didn't want to be caught up in their mad dancing to Abba.

And also I couldn't watch the tv because Libby had thrown Mr Cheese at the screen and it's gone all smeary.

**12:00am**

Lying in bed, with cotton in my ears. Mutti and Vati had gotten a bit randified (cringeworthy or what...) after their 'Cool and hip rave to P!nk' and the walls are like paper here.

And Libby's in there with them. How disgusting. She'll probably grow up all disturbed and traumafied, like me.

I started to think about me and Dave. I'm soooo happy that he's finally my boyfriend, no more accidental snogging and him popping up (oo-er) as the Un-laugh. And having to watch him with other girlfriends.

I realised that this is the first time I've felt completely and totally comfortable and happy happy times ten thousand about having an official proper boyfriend. It made me smile to myself, and I didn't even feel like a loon smiling randomly in the dark. To myself. Because I was happy as anything and on clud nine and ten and eleven and so on.

Only three more days before I'm back in my boyfriend's arms and snogging him to within an inch of his life. He really is a groovy snogger.

I can't ever sleep when I'm thinking about my dreamy boyfriend and I climbing the snogging scale... Zzzzzzz.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters you recognise or the relationships between them etc etc, they belong to the amazing Louise Rennison. The plot is mine, however. :)**

**A/N: Well, here's the second chapter! Enjoy!**

**May the Horn be with you. :D**

**Chapter 2: And then my bottom dropped off  
>Friday 28th October<br>9:00am**

Up at the crack of nine am to pack and be ready for my gorgey super marvy boyfriend! I'm meeting him at 6pm in the park.

I can't wait! I've already got slight jelloid knickers, which is a strange feeling when you're wearing a skirt.

**10:14am**

God everyone's going so slow today! Vati only just got up and walked two feet to the sofa and slumped onto it (I heard some dangerous creaking) and Mutti just came into the kitchen in nothing but an apron. I kid you not.

I could've let it slide like her previous outfits, but when she turned her back to me and showed her bare derierre, I realised she was taking the biscuit.

I said, 'Connie, what in the name of ARSE are you wearing?'

She looked at me and raised her eyebrows, and then said, 'Don't call me 'Connie', Georgia. I'm your mother.'

Yeah, you sure act like it. Not.

'Why? You call me 'Georgia', not 'daughter'. And frankly I don't really want to call you my mother after having seen you in nothing but a piece of cloth. May I remind you that this is not, in fact, a cathouse?'

She just ignored me and flounced around the kitchen in a really 'I-don't-care-what-you-say' kind of way. How childish.

Honestly, it should be illegal for women like her to wear something skimpy and just downright unacceptable like that. In fact, I think it is.

Wait a flame throwing second... Is that..? Oh God no, it can't be. But is it?

Oh my Lord Jesus on wheels. She's wearing Vati's transvestite apron.

**1 minute later**

I couldn't control it. I burst out, 'MUTTI, in the name of all things holy are you actually wearing VATI'S TRANSVESTITE APRON?'

This is when Vati turned round and started.

'Georgia Nicolson! Stop being so bloody loud, it's half 10 in the morning! And for Pete's sake just give a thought to how your parents may want to spent their last night on holiday together, they are married after all! Stop being so bloody ungrateful and realise that your parents can have a bit of fun now and again before going back to work all day to keep your lazy arse alive!'

Ew, eww, that's digusting!

I wanted to shout, 'Keep my bloody lazy arse alive? I'm the one who feeds myself you old coot! And have fun 'once in a while'? You get drunk every night you sad old bints maybe that's why you're struggling with money because you blow it all on alcohol so you can 'have a good time'!'

But I quite wanted to get home so I calmed myself and said, 'You're so very right, Father. I'm off to pack now, after my light and refreshing breakfast of grapefruit and Weetabix.'

Really I'd just had a banana.

And it was mushy.

**11:47am**

Oh in the name of Slim's waggling chins, how the heck did I get my suitcase shut when I left? It won't blooming zip up! I've tried sitting on it like in those crap low-budget films where they bounce up and down on it and then fall off the bed comically but really making themselves look like twits, but it's no use.

I'll just have to sneak some stuff into Libby's case.

**5 minutes later**

Blooming heck! How much stuff does a five year old need to take with them for a week's holiday? Her case is stuffed full! I couldn't even fit a pair of my shoes into a side pocket because it was stuffed with rocks and coloured tissue paper. God knows why.

**2 minutes late**

I was just pulling out some rocks and green tissue to make some space for my ballet pumps when I heard a hefty grunt/snort behind me. Oh Lord no.

**1 minute later**

Being screamed at by Libs.

'BAD BOY! NO MOVING MRS. TISSUE PAPER! BAD!'

**30 seconds later**

OW BLOODY OW! Libby just threw her piggy bank at me!

It hit me square in the conk. Oh praise Lord Jesus, please don't let it swell up.

**4 minutes later**

In the bathroom. It actually has a lock. I might unscrew it from the door and take it home to put on my bedroom door. You know, if I had a screw driver and some space in my suitcase to fit it.

**10 seconds later**

Inspecting my nose in the mirror. Hmm, it doesn't seem swollen. Just a little red.

However, I do see the beginnings of a lurker on my cheek. Damn.

**1 minute later**

Grabbed my spot cream from my bag and set to work.

I steamed the area with a hot flannel (more like a scolding hot flannel - if that doesn't lure the lurker out, I don't know what will), and then applied the spot cream. It's doing that vair refreshing tingly thing that lets me know it's working.

**6 minutes later**

Right. I am baldy bald all over, apart from my head of course. And eyebrows and eyelashes and- well, you get the picture. My legs are smoothy smooth. Like a baby's botty. Well, like lovely little Pampers babies' botties. Not like Libby's when she was 1.

My eyebrows are in perfect shape and my hair is full of bounceability. Number, hmm, eight on the fabby hair factor? If I go to ten I'll look like I'm dressing for the Queen, and I want to look vair casual for today.

**2 minutes later**

So, outfit - denim skirt with no tights, to show off my V-luuurvely legs. White t-shirt with groovy pattern on - I'm not sure what of but oh well, ho hum.  
>My white ballet pumps and natural make-up - so blusher and just a hint of lippy. I don't want to get Dave's (groovy gravy times ten) mouth and face all covered in Nude Shine.<p>

**1:05pm**

And we're off! I was a little sad to say goodbye to my box of a house, but oh well, la di da, on with life and life goes on and so on.

I'm sooooooo happy and vair vair excited to see Dave! Oh my giddy god's trousers I think I'm going to faint.

**1:30pm**

Asleep in the car.

Well, pretending to be asleep because Libby wanted to play I-Spy again and it's not what you think a normal toddler's game would be.

It's just... not.

**Somewhere in le countryside**

Thinking about me and Dave. Mmm scrumboes. He really is gorgey, even in my daydreams.

I can picture the scene, Dave pops up at my house one evening totally unexpected (even though I'm wearing my grooviest outfit and my make-up is V- Sex Kitty), and the Swiss Family Mad are all out for the weekend so I gesture for him to come in with a graceful move of my arm (managing not to hit him in the face with it, or knock him out with my nunga-nungas). He grooves his way down the hall as some music is just randomly playing in the background, and I watch his sexy behind carry on towards the living room. But instead of entering, he turns and says, in his sexy voice that makes me totally jelloid knickers akimbo, 'Naughty Kittykat, staring at the Biscuit's luuurve magnet.' I blush and he gestures for me to follow him to the front room. We sit on the sofa and put a movie on, but I stare into his green-brown eyes and get lost in them. He grins a cheeky grin and pulls me closer to him, and our lips meet... We dance up the snogging scale, reaching number eight without looking back... He- 

OW BUGGERING OW!

**3 seconds later**

Libby bit me! I cannot believe this has just happened. I think I'm going to haemorrhage.

'BAD boy. NO SLEEPYTIME! We almost at fewwyport.' Awww she's so cute. She's trying to say 'Ferry port'. But still, ouchy ow times a billion. She bit my hand.

**On a ferry  
><strong>**3:00pm**

Yes yes and thrice yes! We're on the boat. Whoopdee doo! And I'm not even being sarcastic.

Vati asked us in a sudden change of heart, what we would like from the onboard cafe. I asked for a mocha and gave him my best smile, nostrils flaring and baring all with not a care in the world. He looked a bit suspicious, as if I'd whip a gun out of my knickers at any moment, but said okay anyway. I think I'm actually turning into a nice person.

**6 minutes later**

Got my mocha. What fresh hell...

It looks yummy scrumboes, but I don't know whether to eat it or drink it! It's got about a ton of whipped cream on the top and chocolate powder and then a big massive flake stuck in the middle. I got a few funny looks from people walking past and just seeing me peering over this mountain of cream, but hey ho.

**2 minutes later**

OHMYGOD THIS IS THE BEST MOCHA I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE!

**10 seconds later**

'GEORGIA! Pipe down or I'll throw you overboard!' Oops. That was Vati.

I must've shouted that out loud. I need to control that if I'm going to be dreaming about Dave alot...

**3:40pm**

Hurrah hurrah! We're back in the land of the loons. Or Portsmouth, to be exact. Although I don't really know many Portsmouth-y type people so I can't really judge. But if it's anything like where I live, then it's full of loons and that is le fact.

**8 minutes later**

Driving. Again.

I'm actually quite sick of this car. It does have some rather amusing features though - Libby keeps pulling down this little section of the middle chair in the back that you can pull out, and then climbing into the hollow bit and I'd shut the seat again and pretend she'd jumped out the window. Vair amusant, if you ask me. Vati didn't think that though.

'Will you two stop messing around! I'm trying to concentrate on not crashing the bloody car!'

I refrained from commenting that crashing would be a blessing in disguise, but I didn't. Still, that's the third time today he's raised his voice at moi.

Perhaps it's the menopause.

I suggested anger management classes to him and maybe some yoga but he threw an empty coffee cup at me.

Mutti laughed. How tres sad she is.

**4:00pm**

Still in the car  
>Still on the way home<br>Still being harassed by Libby  
>Still bored. This is my glamourous life.<p>

Ohmygiddygod I've just thought of something. When I was with Robbie, I had my life planned out - he would become a famous rockstar and we'd live together in fortune and fame in our groovy bananas pad in London. But now I'm with Dave, I must take matters into my own hands and hold them with a firm grip (oo-er).

I want to be a columnist.

I know it sounds like someone who works in a Colliseum, but it's really one of those people in the newspapers who write daily columns. I saw it in Marley & Me and I thought, I could write about Angus and Gordy and my crazy household! It would be le perfectamondo. With knobs.

So that is my life. Sorted.

I wonder what Dave wants to be?

**5:24pm**

HOME, HOME ON THE RANG- I mean, home, home at last. I burst through the door - or rather, pathetically shuffled my way along the path with my four tonnes of luggage and fondled with the keys until I found the right one, and then slowly made my way through the door with alot of huffing and puffing - and then I dropped my case by the stairs, unzipped it and grabbed my make-up bag and legged it upstairs into my room.

**4 minutes later**

Ignorez-voused endless ranting from Vati about my suitcase. I'll sort it out later.

**5:41pm**

Oh God, only 10 minutes to get ready for my BOYFRIEND before I have to leave. Come on hand, stop shaking and apply my mascara!

**10 minutes later**

Ready and out the door. The olds won't care - they've already got the wine out. Uncle Eddie and Grandad are here too, so all's fine.

Do you know what Mutti said when I left? She actually said, 'If you don't want to come home tonight love, don't worry about it. Stay out all night, you're old enough and I'd recommend it after these lads have had enough beers.' And pointed to Grandad, Vati and Uncle Eddie who were all trying to hula-hoop with a gigantic comedy lampshade. I wouldn't be surprised if Vati can't fit that over his belly.

I said, 'Er, well I don't know if-'

'Here's a fiver for breakfast or something.' I think she actually wanted me gone. Maybe so her and Vati could get rudey dudey again...

Oh Lord of the Flies, Vati's transvestite apron get out of my head!

**5 minutes later**

I took the fiver and was out of there quicker than a quick thing in quick land. So, if I can stay out all night... What use should I give my freedom?

I have absoloutely no idea.

**4 minutes later**

I've accidentally got here early. Blimey O'Reilly that went fast! How did I get here so quick?

I think I'll just sort of wait here behind this bush for a bit.

**10 seconds later**

My heart is going thumpy thumpy thump. Like really loudly. I wonder if Dave will be able to hear it? Well actually that would mean Dave had extra super hearing powers and that maybe might mean he might be a vampire.. Shut up brain!

**2 seconds later**

Oh my god oh my god! There he is by the swings. Holy anything-on-wheels he looks ABSOBLOODYLOUTELY GORGEY! He's wearing dark skinny jeans and a white polo shirt and a blue hoodie. Mmm he's so gorgeous... And he's all mine miney mine. He looked up and saw me and smiled really wide. Like he was really happy to see me.

Oh God, jelloid knickers jelloid knickers! He just looks so groovy bananas and marvy times ten and..

**5 seconds later**

He's walking over to meet me. I think my legs have stopped working. Work legs, work!

**1 second later**

He's stood right infront of me now. His eyes look so amazing in the moonlight, all sparkly and greeny brown and... And his hair is a bit longer and spiked up a bit and it just looks so soft and great and uumph.

And then he opened his mouth and said in his gorgey voice...

'Hello, Sex Kitty.'

And then my bottom dropped off.

**2 minutes later**

Not literally you fules. But you get the picture.

I was so jelloid knickers, but then I realised, this is Dave - I can be me with Dave, I mean, totally myself. Me. So I looked at him and smiled softly and said, 'Hello there, Hornmeister.' (I don't quite know how you smile softly, I mean, if you can smile softly, then you must be able to smile loudly, too? What noises to smiles make? But anyway, I managed it. I think.)

He grinned really cheekily and took my face in his hands and leaned forwards. This is the moment I've been waiting for my entire life! Well ever since I was on holiday, but still. It felt like forever.

I felt his breath on my face and then his lips were on mine.

Oh my god it was like fireworks. It was ten billion trillion times better than when I kissed Robbie and Masimo - and DEFINITELY Whelk Boy and Mark Big Gob. Oh god now I have THEM in my mind! Get out get out!

What was my brain going on about? I was snogging Dave the Laugh and I wasn't ashamed of it! I was allowed to, because - and get this - HE'S MY OFFICIAL SNOGGING PARTNER.

Whilst my brain was raving on in mad land, Dave and I continued to snog into the marvy land of snog world. We started off with a gentle number 4, but then he got a bit more into it and we went to 5 and he did nip libbling! YESS! It was so groovy gravy. I even accidentally moaned a bit, but he seemed to like it. In fact, he snogged me more.

Number 6! Tongues!

**2 minutes later**

We snogged for a while and then sat down on a bench with his arm round me and talked. And laughed, alot. God, Dave makes me laugh sooo much.

He's like my soul partner.

I told him all about the Isle of Wight and the evacuating the swimming pool incident and the Mutti stepping in poo incident. He looked at me after that one and said, 'I'm not sure I fancy your Mutti as much now.'

We talked for a while longer and then the snogging tension built again...

**A/N: WOOOOOO SNOGGING**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters you recognise and their relationships etc, they belong to the AMAZING Louise Rennison. :)**

**A/N: Chappy 3, here you go! :) thanks for the great reviews :D i know there was one about making Dave jelloid, so I have put some of that in here. :)**

**May the Horn be with you :D **

**Chapter 3: **Kittykat, why have you got a third nunga?

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave.  
>Number 5 so far. Cor, he is rather good at snogging, isn't he? Yes, yes, he is. Yummy yum yum.<br>Shut up brain!

**1 minute later**

I pinched my arm to make myself shut up. Sadly, I did it a bit hard and I sort of squeaked, like a crap mouse. Grr, where had that come from? Dave had stopped snogging me, oh God, what's he going to think...

'Is Kittykat's inner mouse coming out to play?' Err.  
>I said, 'Sure. He likes you.'<br>'Well, I don't know why your inner mouse would be a man, but how could he resist the Biscuit.' And then he winked at me.

**1 minute later**

The Kittykat has landed.

**10 seconds later**

He nip libbled! Yesssssssss. I realised how much I'd missed his amazing snoggosity.  
>I decided to lib nibble him back. Like a nip libbling contest. I am determined to win. I've never made Dave the Laugh jelloid before...<br>I nibbled his lip a little bit. I think he was a bit surprised at first, but then he sort of made a noise. I think it was like a moany-noise. Oo-er.  
>His lips were sort of shaking a little. Had I made him nervous?<br>'Dave...' I said quietly. It took him a while to open his eyes, and then he was sort of all heavy-lidded. Like he was a bit tired. He went, 'Yeah?' Sort of quietly.  
>I smiled. 'Nothing.' And kissed him again.<br>Hmm. I liked this, making Dave the Laugh all jelloid. It's certainly going to be my new hobby.

Suddenly Dave pulled away. What what? Maybe he didn't like it. Maybe he thought I was being too much of a minx, oh no oh no..  
>I was just preparing to say, 'I'm sorry, that was a bit over the top..' when he said, 'Do you want to come back to mine?'<br>Excuse me, what?  
>Oh my goodness he's inviting me to his house.<br>'Er,' I said. 'Well, I umm, what are we..'  
>'My olds are out. In fact everyone's out. They've gone to visit my grandparents in Norfolk for 3 days.'<br>Blimey.  
>Well, that's appropriate, isn't it?<br>I was a bit hesitant. I mean, it's still Dave the Laugh, my Davey, he won't be all rudey-dudey if he didn't want me to be, I mean, I trust him...  
>'What are we going to do?' I said. Dave stared at me for a minute, and then waved me in close.<br>I was already kind of close so I just sort of turned my head round.  
>He whispered, 'We're going to accomplish mission PANTS.' And then smiled really wide.<br>I started to say, 'Wha-' But he grabbed my hand and started runnning like mad towards the gate to the park. I was sort of being dragged along.

**4 minutes later**

Dave eventually slowed down so that I could pull my skirt down (not literally. It had come up when Dave was dragging me forty miles along the road). It was vair nippy noodles so he put his arm round me. Crikey, he smelled niiiiiice.  
>And when did he get this tall? I used to be taller than him and have to do the slouchy slouch thing. But now I'm the short one, and I have to go on my toes to kiss him! Marvy.<p>

**1 minute later**

I have just had a sudden surge of whatsit.  
>I, in fact, have not a flying pig's bum of a clue where Dave lives.<br>Oh well, we can't be far.  
>I'm sure that Dave's house is gonna be amazing with knobs.<p>

**At Dave's house**

I was not wrong.  
>Crikey, his house is vair vair marvy. There's a fireplace and everything.<br>Dave opened the door and then said in a vair posh voice, 'Miss Nicolson, this way if you please.' I decided to play along so I did a little courtsey and said, 'Why thank you kind sir.'  
>He followed me in and I stood in the conservatory bit, not sure what to do. Then he pushed me (!) over onto a sofa bed behind me and slipped off my shoes. Hmm, I have V helpful boyfriend. Oh shut up, brain.<br>He put them in a nice shoerack and then took my hand and said, 'And now the butler will take this beautiful young madam on a tour of his boudoir.' I looked at him cross-eyed and he did it back. I laughed.  
>'Dave, you look silly.'<br>'No you look silly, Sex Kitten.' Phwooarrr.

**2 minutes later**

Dave is showing me round his living room. His dining room was huge, and in here there's a HUMUNGOUS flat screen tv on the wall and V nice sofas. Then he took my arm and guided me upstairs. Oo-er.

**5 minutes later**

Dave's house is huge. Literally, there's three floors. On the second floor there's his Mutti and Vati's room, and his little brother's room and his little sister's room. I had no idea he had two little siblings. Maybe they could be Libby's friends! ...Or not.

**2 minutes later**

Blimey, upstairs is just one level of a loft for Dave himself! I'm vair impressed. There's a corner with a purple sofa and a big tv, and then there's this HUGE bed and a hammock next to it. Dave sat on the sofa and gestured for me to sit next to him.  
>'So, did the wonderful lady luuurve the butler's tour?' Dave said, slipping a DVD into the Xbox by the tv. I think it was 'The Switch' with Jeniffer Aniston in it, I'm not sure.<br>I said, 'Oh, it was marvy with knobs. However, I'm not sure it's healthy for the madam to quite literally fancy the pants off her butler.' And Dave winked at me. I couldn't help but giggle.  
>'Ah, that reminds me, my madame. We must acomplish mission PANTS.' I frowned like I was really confused (which I was). Dave smiled and then dragged me back down the ladder to the second floor.<p>

**1 minute later**  
><strong>In Dave's Mutti's bedroom<strong>

Right. Er, why are we here?  
>Oh yes, for mission PANTS. Dave is opening a drawer in his Mutti's chest of drawers. Hmm...<br>'Dave, has this mission got anything to do with your Mutti's pants, by any chance?'  
>This is when Dave pulled out a pair of black lacy pants and said, 'Oh yes.'<br>Oh God.

**2 minutes later**

So, we're sat on Dave's Mutti's window, equipped with our ammunition (a laundry basket full of pants). Dave said, 'Okay, grab some pants. On three! One, two, THREE!'

And he flung the pants out the window.

**1 minute later**

This is hysterical. Me and Dave are flinging pants out the window like God's galore.  
>I flung a pink thong down to the street below and it hit a pensioner's head, and knocked her wig off! Yess!<br>Dave and I almost fell out the window.

**2 minutes later**

Hiding from the old woman. I think it was Mr. Across the Road's mother, she was grumpy just like him. Well, go swing your mobility scooter somewhere else, Ms. Wig Head! I have my Davey to protect me.  
>The doorbell went.<p>

**1 minute later**

Dave locked himself in the bathroom. He's hiding from the old woman at the door!  
>What is this?<p>

**4 minutes later**

Ms. Wig Head has finally gone, after threatening she'll phone the police and going on about when she lived in a tin hut and slept in a drawer... Blah blah blah.  
>I hid behind the wall outside of the bathroom (the upstairs one - did I mention he has two? It's so unfair. This is the kind of household I should live in. Not the madhouse I have to put up with).<p>

**10 seconds later**

The door opened and Dave crept out.  
>I jumped out and went 'BOOO!'<br>Sadly, I landed on the edge of the washing basket and it snapped in half. Umm...  
>I started to say, 'Uh, Dave I.. I didn't mean to-' But he spontaneously kissed me instead. Okayy.<p>

Dave said, 'You're so cute when you accidentally break stuff.' And then kissed me again.  
>Okay, more breaking stuff! No, no brain.<p>

**3 minutes later**

We climbed the snogging scale in perfect timing, not too fast, not too slow like Nauseating P. Green on the running track. Oh Lord Sandra now I've got her P.E knickers in my head!

**1 minute later**

Dave said, 'Let's go watch the DVD I put in. It's 'Alien VS Predator.' Oh. I was completely wrong.

**8:35pm**

Lord Sandra in tights, this is a scary film! I kept jumping and hitting Dave in the face. He's sitting on my arms now.  
>I said, 'Dave, can I have my arms back please? I have an itch,'<br>'Ooo, where's Kittykat's itch? I can itch it for you.'  
>'Um, no, Dave, I'd rather itch it myself.'<br>Dave laughed and got up. Then he looked at my lying on the sofa, and picked me up and threw me onto his bed! What was this?  
>Was he trying to hint at something?<br>Or maybe he had buried treasure in his sofa and didn't want me finding it?  
>I don't know. But this is Dave the Laugh, I shouldn't be surprised. He is mad, after all.<p>

**2 minutes later**

Snogging Dave, AGAIN. We do snog alot, don't we? I luuurve it vair vair much.

But, hmm... I've only been back for a day, so I've only spent a little time with Dave since he became my girlfriend, and I'm already snogging him on his bed, in his house at night whilst his parents are out...? Am I racing ahead like a horse with a firecracker up it's bum-oley? Or am I just expressing my 'it's-taken-me-a-long-time-to-find' feelings for Dave the Laugh?

**30 seconds later**

As I was having a nervy b. and ditherama contest inside my head, Dave started kissing me a bit more, well, hard (I have to say oo-er here), like the varying pressure thing RoRo talked about agess ago. Cor, he is wayy better than the Sex God and the Luuurve God. Combined. How could I have ever doubted him? He is officially tip top in the snoggosity department. And he is all mine miney mine. Mine.  
>Dave suddenly said in my ear, 'You look beautiful today,' Aww! How vair romantic.<br>I was about to say something back to him but I couldn't really think of anything, he'd made me all jelloid. I just sort of stared at him like goldfish woman. He seemed to find that V sexy (which I must keep in mind) because he started kissing my neck. OhmyLittleDuckling. He did little kisses all the way down to my collar bone, and then went all the way up to my ear. For some unknown reason, I shivered like two shivering things on a day out in shivering land. Dave seemed to notice because he did it again, and then laughed.

**2 1/2 minutes later**

Ohmygodohmygod, Dave's top is off! Phwooaarr and also double sexiness with knobs. I'd seen his body before when he was doing football shirtless and blimey.. is all I could think.  
>'Hmm, naughty Sex Kitty,' he said suddenly, pulling me out of my admiring state for him. 'I know the Biscuit is irresistable, but he can't snog you when you're staring at his body like that.' I rolled my eyes and snogged him again.<br>Wow and also wowzee wow.  
>Dave the Laugh, my Hornmeister, is finally miney mine and all mine! YESS! And he's shirtless! With me, on bed, in house, in street, in county, in city, in country, in world... Where was I?<br>Oh yes, going crazy over Dave.  
>I have finally purchased my Dave the Tart.<br>And he is incredibly yummy.

**3 minutes later**

Okay this is officially the best snogging sesh of my life and that is LE FACT! I've gone so jelloid I think I've forgotten how to breathe. But ho hum, pig's bum. I'm having the time of my liiiife.

**30 seconds later**

I forgot how to breathe. I pushed Dave away gasping and choking (which I think expressed my Sex Kittenness extremely well), and he looked really worried. But then I just smiled and said, 'Er, I may have forgotten how to breathe..' And Dave laughed and said, 'You, are mad.' I was going to say 'No you're mad' but he kissed me instead. Which I settled for all the same.

**3 minutes later**

Still snogging Dave.

**2 minutes later**

Still snogging Dave...

And then I suddenly heard Jas's voice in my head.  
>She said, 'Tart.'<p>

It struck something in me. Ye olde Voley one, the Wise Woman of the Forest, Jazzy Spazzy... Was right. Even if she was in my head.  
>Maybe I'm moving a bit fast with Dave.<p>

I think Dave understood that I didn't want to go any further and calmed the snogging down, until it was really slow and melty and it was like we were one. I really wanted to say something to him, something I felt would wrap up everything I felt for him, something I had wanted to say for a long time, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it...

Oh. I love him.

Oh my god. Crikey. Blimey O' Reilly's pyjama bottoms.  
>I. Love. Dave.<p>

**2 minutes later**

I didn't tell him what I was thinking. I didn't tell him I love him.  
>I think I'm going to wait a while. Until our relationship gets, you know, more serious-like.<br>Our snogging slowly melted into really nice small kisses until we were just cuddling and he was holding me. We're under the covers (which I must say are very comfy and smell amazingly marvy) and I just feel, I don't know, right. Like this was supposed to happen, and this is where I belong.  
>Cliche, I know.<br>Dave is stroking my hair. Hehe.

**3 minutes later**

Suddenly, Dave jumped up like a jumping thing on vair lots of jumping tablets. He looked at me with really wide eyes, which was rather scary potatoes but I didn't say, and went, 'Oh Christ Georgia, it's past midnight.'  
>I just looked at him.<br>'...So?' I said after a pause.  
>He looked a bit confuzzled and said, 'Don't you have to be home?'<br>For a moment I thought, Oh crappy crap I'm so late! Mutti's gonna kill me and Vati-  
>And then I thought, hey wait a minute Georgia, you're ALLOWED to stay out!<br>I smiled. 'I'm allowed to stay out tonight,' I said happily. 'Mutti basically kicked me out with a fiver. I didn't complain.' Dave took a while and then he smiled and said, 'Groovy.' I laughed.  
>'Dave, you sound tres tres dim when you say that.'<br>'Do not.'  
>'Do too.'<br>'Do not. I sound totally hip.' I biffed him on the head.  
>'No you do not, now cuddle Kittykat.' Dave smiled like he really liked me, and then hugged me. I was vair tired, but we stayed up and talked for what seemed like ages, but it was still perfect.<br>Something came into my mind that I wanted to know, so I took a deep breath and said, 'Dave... Did you ever get this far with Emma?'  
>I felt Dave go a bit stiff (Oooo-er), and then he said into my hair, 'Why, Kittykat?'<br>'I don't know, I was just wondering. I mean I didn't really know for sure if you guys were, you know, constant snogging partners or if you just did it in public.'  
>Dave sighed and said, 'No, we hardly snogged at all. We did in public, because she always pestered me that people wouldn't know we were together properly unless we snogged in public. But I hated it. She didn't kiss like you do.' I looked up at him and he smiled, and kissed my forehead gently. 'Your kisses are amazing.'<br>I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat. He stroked my cheek softly. We stayed like that for a while, and just as I was nodding off I heard him whisper something, but I wasn't sure what.

**Saturday 29th October  
>9:04am<strong>

Woke up in Dave's bed... Alone. It took me a while to remember where I was. Oh yes, Dave's groovy and marvy house. And then I remembered last night.  
>I smiled.<br>...Wait a Revelling minute! What the blooming heck? Where's Dave?

**1 minute later**

I sort of curled up in Dave's bed and waited for him to pop up. I'd probably get lost in his house if I went to find him. I'll just stay here, all snuggly buggly in this big warm cosy bed, all safe and snuggled up...

**3 minutes later**

Walking around Dave's bedroom. I decided to take his absence as an oppurtunity to sneaky-peak through his items.

**2 minutes later**

Hmm... He has some pretty groovy clothes in his wardrobe. Suits, shirts, jeans, hoodies... Wait a minute, is that a...? No, it can't be. But is it?

**10 seconds later**

Holy Baby Jesus, it's a chicken suit! Why does Dave have a chicken suit?

**30 seconds later**

Noticed a wastepaper bin in the corner with a smashed lamp in it. That must've been from the Viking Bison phone dance the other night...

**1 minute later**

Looking at Dave's dresser and stuff. I pulled open a drawer. Hmm, pens, paper, badges, old watches, deoderant... And an unopened pack of boy balloons! Cheeky Dave.

**2 minutes later**

Dave popped up. Well, his head did, through the trapdoor that has the ladder leading down to the hallway below. It scared the bananas out of me, making me drop the BBs (boy balloons) on the floor. Whoops.  
>'Morning Kittykat,' he said.<br>'Dave! You scared me,' I said. I tried to kick the box out of sight but I missed it completely and sort of stumbled. 'Where did you go?'  
>'Oh, the Biscuit has duties, you know. People to stun, girls to turn down..'<br>I laughed, but I was still in Dither Land about the BBs. Come on Georgia, focus! Just put them somewhere without him seeing, just kick them under the bed and then hide them later or something-

**1 minute later**

Oh Christ on a bike, he's coming over here! Quick, quick, hide them somewhere.  
>I panicked and for some reason my brain thought it <em>wasn't<em> a good idea to put them back where I found them. So I shoved them up my t-shirt.  
>Dave came and stood infront of me. I smiled convincingly.<br>He said, frowning, 'Kittykat, why have you got a third nunga? And why is it square?' Er. I said, 'Well I, erm, I just, you know.. Well...'  
>Dave said, 'Jesus, you've eaten Ellen.' No I haven't. Although that would probably be a blessing in disguise. 'Come here, Loonster.' Then he shoved his hand up my top! ...And pulled the BBs out. Umm.<br>He looked at them for a while. Oh no oh no, what if he was going to be Mr. Unlaugh... Or worse, what if he thought I was going to take them? Or even, want to use them...  
>Before my brain could go any further, Dave put them back in the drawer and then TUTTED at me, and went, 'Naughty Kittykat, snooping through Davey's things. You know EVERY boy has a box of BBs in his room, right? Just incase the call of the Horn sounds it's voice... Or you know, if you're bored and want to blow one up and send it out the window.'<br>I've done that before.  
>I was with Cousin James and for some unknown reason (I'm not gonna go into it) he brought a condom with him. And we ended up blowing it up and tying it with a rubber band and sending it out the window. It was rather funny because it floated down and bounced off an old lady's head.<p>

**2 minutes later**

Dave suddenly smiled really wide at me and went, 'So, would Kittykat like some breakfast?'  
>'Yes please.'<br>'Worked up an appetite last night, did we?' And he winked at me.  
>I looked offended (I don't know why because it was true). I biffed him on the head and he dragged me down the ladder again.<p>

**1 minute later**

Ouchy ouch. And also ow. I fell down the last step of the ladder and landed on my botty. Dave laughed. But then he came and helped me up.

**In Dave's kitchen  
>2 minutes later<strong>

_Ignorez-vous_ing Dave. He laughed at me falling over.  
>'Oh come on Kittykat, don't ignore me. It's torture, because you're just so irresistable. The Biscuit can't take it,' And then he put his face really close to mine, snogging-close. I felt my lips pucker up. No, no lips! No puckering! You are <em>ignorez-vous<em>ing Dave.  
>Dave laughed. Oh no, what if he saw...<br>'Sex Kitty, your lips are puckering up. Is someone expecting a snog?' His face was really close to mine, oh sod it.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave.  
>He pulled away soon enough and said, 'Now now, Gee. We need to get some food in us so we have enough energy to snog more.' Then he went rifling through the fridge.<br>I suddenly had a wave of whatsit. I realised, this is my first sleepover with a boyfriend! Yessssssssssss!  
>How groovy gravy do I feel right now? Vair vair groovy gravy, that's how.<p>

**4 minutes later**

'How does a bacon sarnie sound, Kittykat?' Dave said from inside the fridge. I don't mean he was INSIDE the fridge, I just mean his head was in there when he said it. And I don't mean it was off his shoulders and been put in the fridge with the door shut, I mean... Well, you get the picture.  
>'Sounds yummy, Hornmeister,' I said, and went into his lounge and sat on the sofa. It's vair groovy in here. The colour scheme is red and cream.<p>

**1 minute later**

Heard sizzling from the kitchen, and then Dave go, 'OW! Bugger buggering bugger,' Hmm. I dismissed it.

**2 minutes later**

Dave called, 'Do you want sauce?'  
>'Ketchup, please!' I called back.<br>I heard him go, 'Incorrect answer, Sex Kitty of the first water. The answer is, 'Dave, you are my one and only saucy minx'.

**8 minutes later**

Watching Spongebob Squarepants on TV. Dave came up behind me unexpectedly (oo-er) and handed me my bacon sarnie. Mmmm yum.  
>I took it and said, 'Fanks, Dave.' He sat next to me and said, 'No problem, Sex Kitten,' and winked at me.<br>I noticed a red patch on his hand. 'Dave, what's that?'  
>'Oh, Mr. Bacon burnt me.' I gasped like I was truly shocked and went, 'BAD Mr. Bacon! Burning my Davey.' and biffed my bacon sarnie. I had to stop it going over the edge of the plate, though. Dave looked at me and laughed.<br>'I'm _your_ Davey?' And he smiled like he was really happy.  
>I smiled back at him. 'Yes, you are.' His eyes sparkled and he went, 'Finally.' And then kissed me quickly on the mouth. Hehe.<p>

**1 minute later**

Dave went, 'What's this crap we're watching?' I looked at him with my eyes wide open and I would've gasped but I didn't really fancy choking on my sandwich. I just raised my eyebrows at him and he looked at me and raised his higher, and then I tried to raise mine higher and he started laughing at me. I swallowed and said, 'Look, just because you can look sexy personified in EVERYTHING you do, doesn't mean you have to laugh at me when I look like a complete twit.' Dave smiled and said, 'YOU look sexy in everything you do, too, Kittykat,'  
>Aww.<br>Then he stopped and went, 'Wait a minute... Did you say EVERYTHING I do?' I froze. Ohh god, here we go. He said, 'So, I look sexy when I go to the poo parlour division?' I choked on my sandwich.  
>'Well Dave, I wouldn't know.'<br>'I bet I do.'  
>'Okay.'<br>He laughed.

**11:34am**

Lying on the sofa with Dave. He's cuddling me. He's vair cuddly.  
>'You are tres tres cuddly, Kittykat,' he said. Whoa, freaky-deaky. I was just thinking that.<br>'You're extremely cuddly yourself, for a Biscuit that is.' I replied.

**2 minutes later**

'So, what's my Gee up to today?' Hehe, he called me 'his' Gee. Teehee.  
>Then I realised, I have nothing planned for today. Hmm. It's only because the Ace Gang are too busy with their boyfriends to spend time with moi, even after I've been on holiday, not one call! Well, I wouldn't know because I've been here at Dave's, but still. Too busy snogging in bushes or wherever they snog. In Jas's case an overnight hide made of twigs so that she can watch badgers and snog Hunky at the same time. I realised that Dave was still expecting an answer so I said, 'Nothing.'<br>'Well, I'm meeting the lads at 1 in the park for some footy,' Dave said. 'You could bring your group of friendys, that is if they can handle the Biscuit at his bestest.'  
>'Dave, don't call them my 'friendys', it sounds tremendously crap. We are the Ace Gang.'<br>Dave laughed. 'Whatever you say, Kitty,' He slid off the sofa, dumping me on the floor. And then he ran out the room.  
>'Er, Dave, I think you've forgotten something.' I called. How dare he dump me on the floor and then run out the room? That is tres rude.<br>I heard him reply, 'Don't worry, Kittykat, I have my Horn with me.' What a cheeky cat. He thought I meant he'd left his Horn behind. Pfftt.  
>'Er, I meant your Sex Kitty, who now has an incredibly bruised bum-oley.' He ran back in and laughed at me. 'Sorry Kittykat, but I need to get ready.' He pulled me up. When I was on my feet again I said, 'Dave, would you mind telling me why you have a chicken suit in your wardrobe?'<br>He just looked at me and then pushed me over again. He started to run away but stopped in the doorway and looked back, and said, 'Oh, the Hornmeister feels bad now.' and came and helped me up, and kissed me on the head. Aww. Then, for no reason whatsoever, we both ran all the way up to his room, laughing hysterically at nothing in particular the whole way.

**12:01pm**

Watching Dave get dressed. He really is sex on legs. We had another snogging extravaganza on his bed but he put his foot down with a firm hand and told me to 'wait until the Horn is at his sexiest'. I have no idea.  
>He has a full-length mirror on one of his walls. He reached into his wardrobe and got out his footie stuff, a pair of blue boxers and his footie boots. He looked at me and said, 'Avert your gaze, Cheeky Kitty,' he smiled his dimply smile. 'I don't want you to faint from not being able to handle the Biscuit's hotness.'<br>Pfftt. I rolled my eyes but turned around anyway. And then something caught my eye. In a corner, rolled up in a scroll... Is the same poster as mine at home! The one with all the guys showing their bare arses!  
>Oh my giddy god...<br>I said, 'Er, Dave...'  
>'Almost done, Kittykat, wait a mo.'<br>'No really, Dave... Why do you have this men in their nuddy-pants poster in your room?'  
>Pause.<br>'Er... What?'  
>'Dave... I have this poster at home. It's a picture of them all showing their bums... And they're all guys.'<br>Pause. Shuffling.  
>'Dave... Are you on the turn?'<br>And that's when the pillow attacked my face.

**2 minutes later**

Lying on the floor underneath Dave.  
>In his boxers.<br>I mean Dave's in his boxers, not me. For some reason I doubt they'll suit me.  
>He had attacked me.<br>'Kittykat. If I give you the privilage of snogging you to within an inch of your life, in my boxers, will you promise me to NEVER EVER tell ANYONE about that poster?' He looked really serious. Erm...  
>Oh what the heck.<br>'Sure, Dave. Just as long as you definitely like women and not men showing their bums in pictures.'  
>He sighed. 'I only have it because... Well, because... My Uncle gave it to me for my birthday. He thinks I'm gay.'<br>My jaw dropped.  
>'WHICH I'M NOT!' He added. Aww, he's so cute.<p>

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Phwooarrr. And also cor. With knobs.  
>He's in nothing but his boxers. His skin is all smoothy smooth and soft and he smells tres tres gorgey personified. Mmmm yummy scrumboes, he's all mine!<p>

**12:30pm**

Left Dave's house with him. I'm in the clothes I wore yesterday, so as soon as he turned for the park (with a quick number 5 and a teensy bit of 6) I ran home.

**Near home**

Puff, puff, pant, pant. I really need to get in shape.  
>I think I'll start running again.<p>

**1 minute later**

Walked through the door using the key under the mat. Really, what an obvious place to put a key. If you were a burglar, you'd want to get in the house quickly and silently, so look for a spare key... Hmm, under the doormat! Why am I thinking like a criminal? Big G only knows.  
>Walked down the hallway, expecting Vati to shout from the living room, 'WHERE THE BLOOMING HECK HAVE YOU BEEN?' But there was nothing. Silence.<br>Not even Libby screaming from the bathroom or Angus and Gordy screeching from wherever they're claiming as their territory now. Nothing. It was rather freaky-deaky.  
>I called, 'Hello? Anyone home?' Nothing.<br>'Not even Vati's badger to welcome me?' Silence.  
>I slipped my shoes off and ran down the hallway waving my arms in the air, crying, 'OH GEORGIA! WELCOME HOME OUR LOVELY DAUGHTER AND BELOVED SISTER! WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH! HOW ABOUT A NICE WELCOMING WARM TOASTY CUP OF TEA AND A CRUMPET OR TWO?'<br>I don't know why.

**3 minutes later**

I think all this snogging and having-a-boyfriend fandango has turned me a bit feverish. I started tidying the kitchen.

**4 minutes later**

Found a note from Mutti in my room.  
><em>'Georgia,<em>  
><em>We've gone to the Sealife Centre with Grandad and Maisie. There's some macaroni cheese in the microwave for you and a fiver under your pillow.<em>  
><em>Have a good day,<em>  
><em>Love Mum x'<em>  
>Crikey.<br>That's the second fiver she's given to me in a matter of hours. Hmmm.

**2 minutes later**

Mmmm yummy. I must say, in the midst of all her normal-Mutti-lacking skills, she is great at making maccy cheese.

**10 seconds later**

Just found the packaging of the maccy cheese microwave meal in the bin.

**12:45pm**

Phoned round the Ace Gang.  
>Meeting in the park at 1.<br>I'd better get ready!

**1 minute later**

Had a quick once-over in the bathroom and did a double take. And then I realised - I had forgotten all about my make-up whilst I was at Dave's! I had gone to sleep with it on, so that meant I must've woken up with horrible panda-eyes, which have faded now...  
>Oh my giddy god's pyjamas.<p>

**2 minutes later**

In my room applying my make-up. I had to rush through cleansing and toning, but I'll do a full facial when I'm home.

**3 minutes later**

Foundation, mascara, eyeliner, lippy and bronzer. Not too much for today, me thinks.

**1 minute later**

...Jeans or skirt?  
>It always comes to this.<br>Well, I have like 5 mins, so jeans it is.

**2 minutes later**

Tartan skirt on with biker boots, thick black tights, black top and leather jacket. And gloves and red scarf. It's vair nippy noodles out there.

**1:11pm**

Running to the park. I had to feed Angus and Gordy because as I went to go out the door Angus leaped out from nowhere (the curtains) and attatched himself to my head. And then Gordy turned up as his partner-in-crime and dug his claws into my leg. They both yowled like yowling things, so I beat them off with the hoover pipe thing that was by the door and then fed them. And I had to do the shutting-them-out-the-kitchen-and-running-round-and-opening-the-door thingy.

**1:12pm**

Got to the park with zilch-minutes or seconds to spare. It's not my worst timing, though.  
>Went over to the grassy bit under the big tree where the Ace Gang were lounging about. Rosie had brought along some huge furry blankets to put on the grass so our bum-oleys didn't get frozen.<br>Jas said, 'You're late.'  
>'Thank you, miss obvious.' But everyone ignored my V-amusant comment as they were all staring at me like 5 agog things in agog land.<p>

'What?' I said. Rosie looked at me.  
>'What happened last night, fule?' Everyone nodded in agreement and then looked at me cross-eyed. Oh bums in heaven.<br>This is vair nice, isn't it? I return from holidays for a week and all anyone wants to know is what happened with my boyfriend. No 'How was your holiday Georgia? Did you have a good time?'  
>No, would be the answer to that one. But oh well, live and let live, I say. And I desperately needed to share snogging stories.<p>

I sat down in between Ellen and Jools and sighed dramatically. Everyone was still staring at me.  
>'Well?' Jools said.<br>I just sighed again.  
>'Well?' Mabs pressed.<br>'Guys don't bother, she's just being a drama queen again,' I heard Jas say.  
>What had her gigantibus knickers in a twist? I snapped my head around to give her full evils. She looked like a rabbit caught in a car's headlights.<br>'Well, Jas, I was just going to tell everyone what an AMAZING night I had, and I might've had an even MORE amazing night if your stupid voice hadn't popped into my head whilst I was snogging my new boyfriend Dave the Laugh.'

Jas stared at me.  
>Everyone stared at me.<br>'...What?' Jas said quietly.

I sighed. It's like I've taken sighing tablets today. 'Sorry, Jas (Wowzers. I just APOLOGISED to Jas). I just don't know how your voice last night affected me so much...' Jools put her army round me.  
>'So... What happened?' Rosie said. I noticed she was munching. I looked pointedly at her packet of Jammy Dodgers and she glared at me, but handed me one all the same. I smiled satisfyingly.<p>

I started (whilst munching) to explain. 'So, I met Dave in the park and it was groovy bananas and fabby and we snogged and talked about my holiday and stuff. And then we were snogging again and it was really amazing because I had really missed him vair vair muchly, and I accidentally made a little noise, sort of like a moan, you know? (nods from the gang). So we were at number 7 and then he pulled away and at first I was like 'err have I done something wrong' or maybe a dog-walker had come by and caught us in the act, but then he invited me back to his house. (gasps from le gang).'

Jools interrupted me. 'Wait... Where does Dave actually live?'

Everyone looked a bit miffed. There were alot of 'er's and 'I'm not actually sure's... But I hushed them and said, 'He lives round the corner from the church.' And they all nodded understandingly.  
>'So anyway, his house is double groovy with knobs and he gave me a guided tour, and then we flung his Mutti's pants out the window and I knocked an old pensioner's wig off with a thong, and then we snogged on his bed and it was all jelloid knickers akimbo and then...' Everyone was staring at me wide eyed and waiting...<p>

I said, 'And then we stopped.'

Everyone's mouths dropped open like multiple goldfishies.  
>'You... stopped?' Ellen said. Wow, there was hardly any dithering in that.<br>'Yeah.' This is when Rosie piped up. 'Well, what in a hairy Viking Bison's arse did you do that for?'  
>Oh Lord. I said, 'Well, we were getting pretty hot and roasty and then I suddenly heard Jas's voice in my head, saying 'Tart'. (Jas cringed) So then I thought, what if we're going too fast.'<br>They all stared at me again. What is this, stare at Georgia day?

Ellen said, 'But, well, he, Jas... Jas didn't actually, like, say that, did she? It was just, like, er, your, like...'

'Horn?'

'Yes.. well, no, I mean.. It was just your head.'

'Yes, but Ellen, Jas has called me a tart before. It really got to me.' I glanced up at Jazzy. She looked full of guiltnosity.  
>'Sorry, Gee...' Yess, exactly what I wanted to hear. I smiled at her.<p>

'Thanks, Jazzy, mon pally. You know you're still my besty.' She looked hopeful then and smiled back. Then I realised it might look like we were having a little movie-lezzie moment so I averted my gaze.  
>Thankfully, Mabs went, 'So, what happened then?'<br>'Well, we slowed down until we were just cuddling, and then Dave gave me his shirt to wear to bed and we talked for a bit and then went to sleep. Did you know he never snogged Emma unless they were in public?'

Everyone looked awed. Was it just me who denied that they ever snogged in private then?

'Wow, Gee, that's great news.' Jools said, and smiled at me. I felt really happy.

'Oh, and something else happened. Just before I fell asleep, he whispered something, but I'm not sure what.' The Ace Gang looked V-confused. You could tell they were all searching their wise brains for a suggestion.  
>Then Rosie went, 'Maybe it was the call of the Horn.'<p>

'No, Rosie, I think the Horn had died down a bit after that vair long snogging sesh we'd just had.'

'Well, you never know. Guys will be guys with their trouser-snake addendas leading them places that daren't be explored after 6 o'clock.' What? None of us had time to enquire what in the Lord's name she was on about though because Sven suddenly came crashing out of a bush nearby and swooped her up in his arms. But he'd picked her up... Upside down. Her skirt came up and her knickers were shown to all!  
>She was screaming, going 'OH MY GOD! SVEN PUT ME DOWN!' and fumbling at her skirt, but she couldn't reach it because Sven had her arms pinned down.<br>He ran away with her like that into the woods, yodelling as he went. The rest of the Ace Gang laughed our bum-oleys off as her knickers flapped away in the wind. It was tres tres amusant.

**3 minutes later**

All the boys saw Sven and Rosie's knicker incident and were just stood in the field, staring. Dave was laughing his pants off, of course. He came jogging over at half time and put his arm round me.  
>'Dave, you're all sweaty,' I said. But he still smelled marvy.<br>'Kittykat, you know you luuurve it.' And I did luuurve it.

He snogged me and I could just feel the gang's eyes on us. We pulled away and looked at them, and they all turned their heads away vair quickly. They are tres tres bad at hiding things.

'What're y'all starin' at, y'old coots?' Dave said to them, in a strangely spontaneous cowboy accent.  
>They were all quiet, apart from Rosie, who said, 'Just you two and your uncontrollable red bottomossity.' And then she winked and ran away.<br>Wait a minute, when did she get back here? I thought she-  
>I was interrupted by Dave purposely snogging me vair enthusiastically just to rub it in everyone's face. I rolled my eyes and played along.<p>

**5 minutes later**

Felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I swear, if it's-  
>'Gee.' Grr.<br>'Gee, listen.' Nooooo, I want to snog my Davey!  
>I made a sort of 'Mmfffhgowayymmfgghhh' sound. V attractive. I felt Dave smile, which was weird.<br>'Georgia, it's serious.' Hmm. What was Old Wise Woman of all things Voley on about now? Had her knickers fallen down?

Dave pulled away (boo) and smiled at me. 'Come on, my Kittykat. I would love to snog you forever and a day, but my fellow footie stars are awaiting me.' He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and then jumped up. He put his hands up to the guys on the pitch and went, 'Don't worry, my fellows! The Vati is on his way!' He is mad.  
>I said, 'Dave, you truly are a loon.' He looked at me and went, 'No, you're the l-' And sort of choked on his words.<br>What? What had happened?  
>He was looking behind me. I swivelled round on my hairy mat and saw them.<p>

Across the field was... Masimo! And with him was Wet Lindsay! Has she not died yet?  
>What in hell where they doing here? More to the point, why was Lindsay here with Masimo? And not Robbie? And why wasn't Masimo in London! He should be in London with the band! This isn't London! This is the park!<br>Hmm.  
>I turned back to Dave. He bent down and touched my cheek, and said softly, 'It's okay, just ignore them. I'll come over if anything happens. You'll be fine, gorgeous.' And then jogged off.<br>I'm so confused.

**2 minutes later**

Alright, if I don't move, they can't see me. There's a twig poking into my bum-oley, though. And the trunk isn't really that thick, but it's fine...  
>'Groovster, jah, why is GeeGee hiding behind tree? She is, jah, a crazy girl!' Damnit Sven! His voice is so loud, I bet Masimo and Lindsay heard! I popped my head round the tree. Yep, they were coming towards me! Oh goddy god god.<br>I biffed Sven on the head as he went past with Rosie on his back.  
>Rosie went, 'Oy, only I can tap this.' And then they went yodelling off. What?<br>'Ciao.'

**4 minutes later**

Oh Blimey O'Reilley, EVERYONE'S here! Dave came over, and so did Tom, Rollo, Ed, Dec and Sven with Rosie on his back. And the Ace Gang crowded round, too.  
>Masimo looked a bit confused and uncomfortable when everyone started approaching, but he just fixed his eyes on me.<p>

I'm just standing here, staring at Masimo. Lindsay's head is sort of lurking over his shoulder, glaring at me like billio times ten trillion, i.e alot.  
>She whined, 'Mas, come on, let's go.' He put his hand up to her. Hahaha, she got the hand. What am I on about?<p>

'Ciao, Georgia, we have not spoke for while. You have been on holidays, no?'  
>Everyone glared when he spoke. Why? Just because he left me, well...<p>

'Uh, yeah, I went away for a bit. Well, I was dragged away by my family, it wasn't really that fun, there were cows and boats and loads of cliffs and I had to-'  
>Luckily Jools gave me a swift kick in the shin to stop me rambling on like a loon.<p>

Masimo was smiling. 'I have missed your crazy life.' Er.

I glanced over at Dave. He looked really serious. He was just sort of looking at Mas like a looking-at thing. Not blinking or anything. Masimo shifted a bit.  
>Jas suddenly said, 'Georgia has some news, don't you, Georgia?' I looked at her like an agog thing and then she raised her eyebrows, and nodded to Dave in what she probably imagined was a subtle way. Really she looked like she was having a fit.<br>But, I didn't really want to-  
>'Yeah.' Dave said. He stepped next to me and held my hand.<p>

Masimo stared. He stared at our hands for a moment, and then looked at the floor, and then back at me. 'I am happy, Georgia. You are, how you say, happy with your life. I will leave now. I am off to London. Hopefully, we will meet again sometime. Ciao, bellissima.'  
>He gave a small half smile to me, and then Lindsay looked at me like I was a great big huge bogey. I swear I saw fire in her eyes.<br>Masimo walked off with Lindsay hanging off him. Like a sticky thing sticking to him. I felt quite miffed.  
>Dave squeezed my hand. 'Are you okay, Kittykat?' He stood infront of me. I nodded slowly. He looked at me for a minute and then told everyone to clear off. Then he pulled me away and we walked.<p>

**A/N: Let me know if there are any side-plots or certain ideas that you want to put in for Robbie, Mas and Wet Lindsay guys! Something fun could happen there if you like. :D**

**Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters you recognise or the relationships between them etc etc, they belong to the amazing Louise Rennison, so please don't sue me. ;)**

**A/N: So, chapter 4! :D I hope you like it, not as much happens in it unlike the last one, it's mostly just a fun and light-hearted one. :) Finally one of Gee's and Jas's phone conversations. :D**

**May the Horn be with you. :D**

**Chapter 4:** Pillow Woman

**At home**  
><strong>In my bed of confusiosity<strong>

And my bed of pain. Angus and Gordy have stuffed themselves inside my pillowcase and every time I move my head they stick their claws out and scratch my ears. And not in a nice way.  
>So I can't move unless I want no ears.<p>

Dave and I talked for a bit, and he seemed kind of annoyed all the time. Like Masimo had pressed a button on him and suddenly he was Dave the Unlaugh. I hope the button pops back up soon. I don't like having to see Dave like that.  
>First we just walked for a bit, not holding hands, just sort of bumping arms. After about the fifth bump he grabbed my hand and held it. I looked up at him, and his eyes were, oh I don't know. He was sad.<br>I said, 'Dave, are you okay?'  
>He looked me in the eyes, like he was searching for something. I don't know what. Maybe my inner mouse?<br>Anyway, he said, 'I'm... Just a little confused. You and Masimo... You definitely broke up, didn't you?' Why was he asking this?  
>I said, 'Of course we are, Dave. He said he's going to go to London with the band, and we agreed that it would be better to just be friends. I didn't think I'd see him again for a while. Anyway, I don't even know why he's still here, he should've left..'<br>Dave nodded, but he was looking down, like he was thinking. Ohh, come on, come on, just hurry up and be Mr. Dave the Happy Laugh so we can get back to normal! It's because of Masimo. Stupid Masimo, me and him are over! I'd never go back to him now that I've got my Dave the Tart.  
>'Er... Dave the Tart?'<br>What?  
>Ohmygiddygod. Had I...?<br>I'd said that out loud!  
>My mouth opened and closed like a guppy fish. Yes, a tres tres attractive guppy fish in a skirt.<br>Dave started laughing.  
>'Dave the Tart? What is that?' He said. But it was in a good, smiley way.<br>So, he was happy again, but the conditions were that I had to explain my cake-shop of agony theory. Oh gadzooks.

He eventually admitted that he was worried I'd go back to Masimo, because I wasn't over him yet. I told him that he was being silly and that I only wanted to be with him, and he'd helped me get over Masimo. Dave had smiled and then we snogged all the way home. Well, we walked and then snogged and then walked and then snogged and so on. I don't think it would be easy to walk and snog at the same time.

But I'm still confused. Number one, am I absoloutely and totally over Masimo? I mean, I did get a funny feeling in my tummy when I saw him, but that's probably just because I hadn't seen him in a while and he was with Lindsay and well, he did look rather fit...  
>But no! I'm with Dave, and I love Dave. Dave is my one and only one. I am 100% over Masimo stupid Scarlotti and that is le fact. With knobs.<br>So, on to number two... why was Lindsay with Masimo? And not Robbie? Had they had a fight and broken up?  
>I must phone Jas and see if she knows.<p>

**1 minute later**

Remembered about Angus and Gordy in my pillowcase AFTER I tried to get up. They both wrapped their paws around my head and dug their nails into my skull. I tried to pull my head out of their grasp but they are vair vair strong... Gordy is becoming a man now.  
>I stood up and hoped they'd let go. Instead, they hung on, and because they are inside my pillowcase, I now have a pillow stuck to my head.<br>I am Pillow Woman.

**2 minutes later**  
><strong>In the kitchen<strong>

Mum laughed when she saw me. I looked genuinely insulted and said, 'Mutti, are you not aware of the monstrosity that is taking place on my head? Angus and Gordy, our beloved pets, are clinging onto my scalp with their nails in my skull, whilst inside a pillow which is attatched to my head. I am now Pillow Woman.' Mutti just laughed and said, 'You're mad.' And patted me on the shoulder and then walked out the room.  
>She thinks I'm joking.<p>

**1 minute later**

I think I can feel blood running down my face.

**30 seconds later**  
><strong>In the bathroom<strong>

Oh, it wasn't blood. It was Angus and Gordy's dribble.

**4 minutes later**

Yess! I think I've found a way to get these furry freaks off. I got a fork and scratched Gordy's back with it, and he started purring and purring and then he let go. But he just sort of fell back in the pillowcase and he's quite heavy now, so he weighed my head down. Now I have to walk bent over with a pillow on my head. Like a bent over Pillow Woman. A crooked Pillow Woman.  
>A hunchback Pillow Woman.<br>Fab

Angus is still clinging on.

**1 minute later**

The fork does not affect Angus.  
>I scratched him all over with it, but all he did was hiss at me, and then stole the fork. I think he's hidden it in there somewhere.<p>

**2 minutes later**  
><strong>Doorbell rang<strong>

Now, maybe if I get the hairdryer and blow him with it, he'll let go...  
>Where did Mutti put the hairdryer?<p>

**Doorbell rang again**

Why is no one answering the door? I bet it's Mr. Next Door complaining about Angus pooing in his garden again. Will we never be free from his grumpyness?

**Doorbell rang once again**

I shouted, 'Dearest Mutti and Vati, Pillow Woman is busily and painfully trying to remove a cat and a pillow from her head, can't one of you answer the bloody door?'  
>My Vati went from the living room, 'Don't swear! Now <em>you<em> answer the bloody door.' And Mutti laughed. How pathetico.

Well, I'm not going to answer it looking like this.

**10 seconds later**

I'm going to look upstairs for the hairdryer.  
>Just as I was walking towards the stairs, I heard the door open and my Mutti saying, 'Oh, hello! Georgia's just in the kitchen. Would you like to come in?'<br>And then I heard his voice. He went, 'I'd love to, Mrs. Nicolson.' Mrs. Nicolson?  
>Mutti giggled(!) and went, 'Oh, call me Connie.' Call me Connie?<br>I tried to leg it to the bathroom but Mutti stepped to the side and there he was.

**1 minute later**

Dave took one look at me, and then burst into fits of laughter. Mutti just smiled and basooma-d off to the living room.  
>I just stood there bent over like the hunchback Pillow Woman that I am.<p>

**10 seconds later**

Dave is still laughing. I just looked at him and said, 'Stop laughing. I am the hunchback Pillow Woman.'

**8:00pm  
>In the bathroom with Dave<strong>

Trying to decide how to get Angus off my head. We tried the hairdryer but it was no good, Angus just tried to eat the wire.  
>Dave said, 'Hmm... What does he hate?'<br>Not much, I wanted to say. But he does hate baths...  
>I said, 'He hates having a bath.' Dave smiled and said, 'Well, let's run a bath then.' And winked at me. I tried to biff him but I missed and almost fell over. Dave laughed at me.<p>

**2 minutes later**

Running a mini-bath in the sink. I put bubble bath in it and everything. I think it looks really cute.  
>Dave said, 'Okay, now slowly lean in and aim his head for the water.' I did what he said, and slowly leaned forward.<p>

**5 seconds later**

Yessss! The mini-bath worked! Pillow Woman is Pillow Woman no more! As soon as his head touched the water Angus leaped up like two short leaping things and attatched himself to the shower curtain. He then proceeded to climb up that (screeching and hissing all the way) like a furry mountaineer, and then launched himself out the door and down the hall. Gordy started wriggling about in the pillowcase, too, so I ripped it off my head and he came flying out, and landed in the mini-bath. He splashed water all over me and Dave.

He sat up in it and looked a bit miffed, with bubbles all in his fur, and was spitting and sneezing. It was cute for a second, because he was trying to scrabble up the sides of the sink and he kept slipping down. But soon enough he used Dave's arm to pull himself out and flew out the open window.

I looked at Dave and he looked at me, and then went cross-eyed. I went cross-eyed too. Yess, victory!

**4 minutes later  
>In my bedroom<strong>

'So Dave, why'd you come over to the Madhouse? Did you want a spontaneous tattoo of a dancing banana?' What was I on about?  
>'Well, I just wanted to see my Sex Kitty.' I looked at him. He smiled.<br>'Okay. I wanted to know if... You wanted to come to the cinema tomorrow, and then come round and, er... Meet my family.'  
>Hmmm.<p>

Well, this is certainly a turn up for the books! Dave has gone red, like he's embarrassed! Awww. It kind of seems a teensy bit early to meet his family. But, oh, I've known Dave for yonks and we always kept accidentally snogging, so technically it's been longer than just that night when I asked him to be my girlfriend. Kind of.

And I did really want to meet his family.

I smiled really wide. Dave looked up at me, and seemed a bit surprised and also a little suspicious. 'Sure, Dave! I'd love to meet your family. And come to the cinema, of course.' Dave smiled a little smile.

**10:30pm**

Dave's gone home. I'm going to meet him at 12 outside the Odeon, and after the film we're going to walk back to his house.  
>I can't wait to meet his Mutti and Vati. Hopefully they're not anything like mine.<p>

**2 minutes later**

Phoning Jas.

'Hello?'

'Jas! It's me,'

'Oh, hey Gee. Me and Tom were just-'

'Jas, I need to ask you something.'

'Uh, okay. I was just going to say that-'

'Jas, I haven't asked yet.'

'Yes but-'

'Jas! You are not listening,'

'No, _you_are not listening. I was just going to tell you that-'

God, it's like talking to the vair backward. What could be so important that she has to interrupt me trying to ask about the Wet Lindsay and Masimo and Robbie fandango?

'WHAT, Jas? And make it quick, because I need to ask you something.'

'Well, if you're not interested then I won't tell you.'

'Oh, come on, Jazzy.'

'No, I don't think I'll tell you now.'

'Jaaaaaaaaas.'

'No.'

'But Jassssss...'

'Say please.'

I sighed. 'Pleeaseeee?'

She sighed. Copycat. 'Well, me and Tom were just talking and reading my magazine about the types of newt you can find in everyday rivers in England...' Oh blah blah, Voley Queen.

'...And then he looked at me and said, 'I love you, Jas.''

I froze.  
>...What?<p>

'Isn't that so adorable? I just looked at him and my eyes filled with tears and I went, 'I love you too, Tom.' And then we did number 6 which we don't do too often and it was so romantic and I... Gee?'

I wasn't listening anymore. For some unknown reason, I felt vair vair sad.

'Gee? Are you there?'

'Yeah... Yeah Jas, I'm here.'

'You don't sound happy. Are you okay?'

No. 'Yes, I'm fine...'

'No you're not. Was it something I said?'

Yes. 'No, Jas. I'm just tired.'

I heard chewing. What on earth? She was chewing in my time of need?  
>Then I heard her gasp.<br>'You... You love Dave, don't you!'

'What?'

'YOU LOVE DAVE!' Owww! She'd screamed down the phone.

'Jas! Keep your voice down, I don't want the whole neighbourhood knowing. And I think I've gone deaf now, thanks to you.'

'Gee, you love Dave. I know you do. OHMYGOD! You love him! You luuurve-'

'Jas, if you say it one more time I may be forced to kill you.'

'But come on, Gee... Are you going to tell him?'

I don't know, am I? Am I going to tell Dave I love him?  
>Not yet.<br>I said, 'Not yet, Jas. But I will. One day.'

She giggled. 'So you do. You love him.'

I sighed. She can be soooo vair childish. 'Yes, Jas, I love him. I love Dave.'

She giggled again.

Then I remembered... This is Radio Jas! She's going to tell the whole world and it's sister! If the world has a sister. But you get my point.

'JAS, as my bestest pally in the whole wide world and so on, please please PLEASE don't tell anyone about this. Not any of the Ace Gang, I want to tell them myself. And don't you dare, ever ever EVER tell Hunky! If you tell him y life will be over. Don't you tell anyone! Do you hear me?'

'Yeah yeah I hear you. Listen, I have to go now. Tom's upstairs on his own.'

'No, he has your owls for company.'

'Bye, Gee. Congrats.' And then she hung up.

Well.

**In my snuggly buggly bed ready for boboland**

After the mini-bath incident Angus and Gordy are hiding from the world, i.e making base camp in the airing cupboard. I can hear them scuffling and scratching from my room.

Libby is actually asleep in her own bed. It's only because Vati painted the walls bright orange and she got a new bed that's tall and has a ladder. No doubt she'll probably use it as a launch pad with Angus and Gordy for when I walk past her bedroom door.

Damn! I just realised, I didn't ask Jas whether Wet Lindsay and Robbie had broken up or not. Oh well, I'll just ask her tomorrow. Now is time for boboland and dreaming about my gorgey marvy and amazing boyfriend - or girlfriend. I still can't believe I'd asked him that.  
>Still, live and let live and let fly and all that jazz and so on, is what I say. I'm in loveeee with Dave the Laugh! Yessss!<br>I'm so vair excited about meeting his family tomorrow. Now, what to wear...

**A/N: How was that? :) More will happen in the next chappy, meeting Dave's family! I have to be careful with it because there's been so many other ones with Dave's family, and I have to make it origional, yet not too weird. But I have a few ideas. *wink wink***

**May the Horn be with you. :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters you recognise or their relationships, that remains in the hands of the bestiest Louise Rennison. :)**

**A/N: HERE IT IS! :D Hope you enjoy :)**

Sunday 30th October

**8:00am**

Up at the crack of 8am for a cup of hot water and lemon. I haven't had it in a while.  
>Ohhhhh, only 4 hours to get ready!<p>

**1 minute later**

My hair looks like a great big elephant poo. I must iron it without Mutti catching me.

**3 minutes later  
>In the kitchen<strong>

I passed Vati on the stairs and he pretended to faint from seeing me up so early. I just looked pointedly at him and said, 'Try not to actually faint, Vati, I don't remember you paying for earthquake insurance on this house.'  
>Obviously he went ballisticisimus. Blah blah, ungrateful and rude, blah blah, run you over, blah blah blah in my day...<br>I just walked off. One day he'll realise how lucky he is to have me as a daughter. He could have someone like Jas.

**2 minutes later**

Kettle's boiling. Looked in the cupboards for food... And, _quelle surprise,_ there is food! Bread and butter. I put the bread in the toaster and sat on the counter. I'm vair nervous for today. Meeting Dave's family? I hope they like me. They're probably really normal and nice and acceptable at parenting. Unlike my Mutti and Vati. I hope they're not really posh and poncy, though. Their house is quite fancy. Hmm... I don't want to feel all out of place and awkward.  
>Well, Dave isn't posh at all really, is he? So I'm sure they're relatively normal.<p>

**3 minutes later**

Got my toast and hot water and lemon and went upstairs. It's unusually quiet. I wonder where the Furry Freaks are. Probably somewhere harrassing a poor woodland mouse or something.

**1 minute later**

Aaaah, they're in Libby's room. I opened the door a crack and Libs was busily snoozing away in her new bed, and Angus's paw was flopping down. Awwwww.  
>It was quite scary potatoes though because I looked down from her bed and all her 'fwends' were lined up on her dresser, just staring at me. Like little plastic things with really bad makeovers. I swear I could hear them in my head, going, 'Georgia, Georgia, save us...'<br>Er.

**2 minutes later**

Okay. Drink hot water and lemon, eat toast, then cleanse and tone. Do manic orangutan gene evaluation and plucking, then start hair and make-up. That should take me to around 11:30, so then leave and walk really slowly to the Odeon. On the way I should practise my posh-talking, and smiling with my tongue behind my back teeth.

**3 minutes later**

In Mum's Cosmo this week, there's this section about boys that says they like it when you take control. What?  
>It says, 'If you take the upperhand, he'll feel safer in your relationship. With him in charge all the time, it'll be any moment that he could get bored and walk out!'<br>Lovely.  
>I must alert Jas. Her and Tom seem to have a healthy relationship, but you can't be too careful.<p>

**10 seconds later**

Rosie is okay. She seems to have Sven under control... To the extent that Sven can be kept under control. His t-shirt yesterday said, 'I'm a God, now get down on your knees.'  
>How rudey-dudey.<p>

**2 minutes later**

Oh, joy of joys, Angus and Gordy have lolloped into my room. And the door was closed.  
>How do they do that?<br>One day they'll be able to break out of this house, I'm sure.  
>Although then they wouldn't have moi to harrass. That's probably why they're still here.<p>

**3 minutes later**

Oh, unbelievable! I was just sitting reading my Cosmo and eating my toast, when Gordy leaped onto my plate and sat on my toast!  
>I went, 'GORDY! You get down right now.' He just looked at me with his one eye and then let his tongue hang out of his mouth. I gave him a stern look and went, 'Gordy, get off my toast. Bad boy.' He miaowed and then got up, stole my toast and ran out the room!<br>What a little furry menace. How would he like it if I stole his food?  
>Well, that would never happen, since cat food is a bit pingy-pongoes. But still.<p>

**9:30am**

In the name of Long John's trousers, why must my eyebrows grow madly out of control? I practically have a monobrow. I wonder if I just left them for years they'd grow over my eyes and take over my face. I would be the hairy-face woman. I could go and live in the circus.

**10:14am**

Now, what to wear, what to wear? That is le question. If they are posh, then I can't wear something like my boots and leather skirt. In fact, maybe I should just wear skinny jeans.  
>Or maybe my black dress and a nice belt? And then some black flats. If I can find them. I think I hid them in my wardrobe when Mutti went through that wearing-high-heels-to-sad-old-people's-gigs-and-having-to-take-flats-so-her-feet-aren't-in-aggers phase.<p>

Aha, here they are. A few bitemarks in them from the 'cats' but they're hardly noticeable.

**1 minute later**

My toe pokes out the top. Why would a cat eat shoes? That's a dog thing, not a cat thing. A cat should play with wool and mice toys, not chew shoes. And eat soap.  
>And lip gloss.<p>

**4 minutes later**

Okay, black dress on with skin tights and black belt. Tres sophis, I like to think.

**10:35am**

Foundation, eyeliner... What had happened to my eyeliner? It's all squished up and melted. Libby had obviously been using it on pantalizer doll again.  
>I thought she looked a bit gothic.<p>

**2 minutes later**

Sharpened my eyeliner and applyed just a little bit to my eyes. Like I've got a touch of the egyptian. Kind of.  
>A little gold eyeshadow and some lip gloss. Not too much though, as a date with Dave is a date for snogging.<p>

**4 minutes later**

Ready. I managed to get my hair under control, thank God Mutti is still asleep. What does she do in there? She stays in bed longer than I do these days.

**11:34am**

Just leaving. As I opened the door, Mutti came down the stairs in her dressing gown. Oh good, a bit of ad-hoc nunga sighting just before I leave. That should keep me nicely scarred for the rest of my life.  
>She said, 'Oh, are you going out?'<br>No, I'm just going back to bed actually. Of course I'm going out!  
>I said, 'Yes, I'm going to the cinema with Dave. I told you last night.' She said, 'Oh, well take this. Be in before 10 though, please. Your father and I want to have a family meeting.' And she held out a fiver.<br>A family meeting? What fresh hell?  
>Perhaps Vati has finally decided to do the right thing and move out. Or atleast get rid of the clown car.<p>

**2 minutes later  
>Walking down the road<strong>

This is fifteen pounds Mutti has given me now, in a matter of 3 days. Something must be up.  
>She has been acting strangely lately. All nice to me and giving me what I want and feeding me etc. I wonder what the family meeeting is about.<p>

**1 minute later**

Okay, time to practise entrancing walking so that my gorgey Hornmeister boyfriend will be entranced to moi even more. Although I don't want him to be too entranced and be like a puppy dog boyfriend, like he seemed to be with Emma. Where is she nowadays anyway? I think she's Jas's new besty friend. Every time we go to the park she always goes over and says hi and talks to her. How pathetico.

**2 minutes later**

She'd better not become a new member of the Ace Gang. That would be awkwardness-a-go-go. When we talk about boyfriends and stuff she'd be all 'Ohhh, Dave the Laugh was SUCH a good boyfriend, I miss him sooo much' and then give me huge evils. Well, he's mine now. All miney.  
>Mine.<p>

**3 minutes later**

So, hip, hip, flicky flick, sticky eyes, sticky eyes.  
>A car went by and beeped me, and a guy winked at me from the front seat.<br>Yesssssssssss, the Sex Kitty still has it!

**4 minutes later**

'Yes, I would like to attend University and get a degree in English Literature and perhaps a grade in baking.'  
>Hmm, they should buy that. If Dave's parents are even interested in what I want to do when I leave school. Which I doubt, because even I don't have a flying pig's bottom what I'm going to do myself.<p>

**2 minutes later**

Walking, walking. Ho hum. I took the long route. Ah well. Maybe I should sing a song to get myself in the mood for snogging. Although just seeing Dave should do the job.

I started humming to myself. Just a jovial, lighthearted way to lift my mood. For some reason it was 'God save our gracious Queen', that I heard on the football last night. Dad has countless games on record that he likes to watch to make him feel like a man.  
>It certainly doesn't make him look like one.<br>I got to, 'Send her victorious, happy and glorious' when from nowhere, like the Voice from Above, someone said, 'Long hemmed PANTS over to us.' And then mad sniggering.  
>What what? Maybe it was Baby Jesus telling me something. Sending me a message. What is the message, oh holey one? That the Queen wears long hemmed pants?<br>Before Baby Jesus could answer, however, Rosie leaped out from behind a car (it was parked, of course) with her beard on.  
>I jumped like a jumping thing on jumping tablets and went, 'By Jesus, RoRo. You scared me out of my wits.'<br>She took her pipe out and went, 'What wits?'

**4 minutes later**

Oh, joy unbounded. It turns out the whole Ace Gang is coming to the pictures with their boyfriends and they've been following me all this time.  
>Which means they heard me humming the national anthem.<br>And practising my posh talking skills.  
>Oh Lord...<p>

**2 minutes later**

'So, want to do English Literature, then, do you?' Jas said. I looked at her. She raised her eyebrows and went, 'Hey, don't blame me because you're not going to get anywhere with it. Your English is pretty bad.' Charming.

**1 minute later**

A quick biff over the head shut her up. But then Rosie joined in and I was pulled into a huge fake-duffing up fiasco. Oh, bums. They're going to mess up my hair.

**3 minutes later**

They messed up my hair. Great.  
>I fluffed it up and refreshed my make-up whilst walking fast away from the gang. Ellen's face was still stuffed in Rosie's armpit and RoRo was going, through her beard, 'Can ya taste it yet?'<br>Good Lord. Ellen's arms were flailing about madly and when RoRo finally let her up for air she was all red-faced and her hair was stuck to her lipgloss. It was quite funny, actually.

**At the Odeon**

Oh, what larks. The gang finally calmed down and hid behind a bus shelter to redo their make-up. How vair vair superficial they all seemed.  
>I only put on a tad more mascara, but that's beside the point.<br>Then we heard a horn being blown in the distance (oo-er) and down the street came all the lads, all linked up in a huge manly chain. We even caught sight of them snagging an old lady in the line and she had to walk backwards until there was a space between Dec and the wall.  
>Sven was in the middle, and he had a huge horn that he kept blowing. When the guys saw us they all put their arms up and went, 'HOORAAYY!' and ran towards us.<br>Naturally we just stood there.  
>Sven came bounding up, saying 'Oh<em> jah<em>, I has ze horn, _jah_, _jah_!' and managed to biff Jools over the head with it as he ran past.  
>And here's the amazing thing. He ran up to Rosie, but as soon as he was near she pointed her finger at him and went, 'Sven, no.'<br>And he stopped.  
>Then she went, 'No jumping. Good boy,' and ruffled his hair.<br>We all stared in amazement.  
>She had quite literally got her boyfriend under control. I wouldn't be surprised if she told him to sit and he did. She looked up at us and went, 'What?' But she knew what.<p>

**1 minute later**

Dave caught my eye and came over. He just stood infront of me and went, 'Hello there, you sexy minx. I like your dress.' And then winked at me. I smiled and said, 'Well, I like your tie. Is that Tigger from Winne the Pooh?' But he just smiled and put his arm round me. Then snogged me.  
>Phwooarrr.<p>

**In the theatre**

Oh my giddy god. This is the first time I've been to the cinema with the gang and their boyfriends, and I have a boyfriend to come with too! I am no longer a goosegog in the manger!  
>It made me vair happy. So happy that I leaned over and spontaneously snogged Dave.<br>When I pulled away his eyes were all wide and he looked vair surprised.  
>He went, 'Er, thanks, Kittykat.' His voice broke at the end and he just sort of stared at me in an admiring way. I think. It was a bit dark.<br>What? Was it because I'd randomly snogged him without reason? Because I'd taken control...  
>Surely this Cosmo thing couldn't ACTUALLY work?<br>Then again, that's what I thought about the sticky-eye technique, and even now I still have to avoid The Dame at parties.  
>Hmm... I would have to try it next time we're alone together.<br>Which will be after the cinema, at his house. My heart did a little skip.

**12:13pm**

We've got here a bit early. The adverts haven't even started yet, there is just some radio station playing out of the speakers.  
>Then the song, 'FIRE! I'm gonna teach you to burn! FIRE! I'm gonna teach you to learn!' came on and I looked right round at Jas, who was sitting next to Tom who was next to Dave. It was the flame dance!<br>I looked at the rest of the Ace Gang, especially Rosie who was already doing whooshing sounds.  
>Dave looked at me and went, 'What is this?'<br>I said, 'The flame dance. We got reprimands and detention for it, but it was worth every moment of helping Elvis clean his trousers.' And then I did improvised whooshing and flame dancing along with the rest of the Ace Gang.  
>Yesssss! Victory!<p>

**2 minutes later**

The feeling's died down now. Especially since Rosie got a bit carried away and went and climbed up onto the ledge infront of the giant screen and did her flame dancing, only to be caught and told to get down by one of the workers.  
>He looked like a close relative of Spotty Norman.<p>

**5 minutes later**

Yess! Adverts have started. Dave grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I smiled at him.

**1:00pm**

Halfway through the film, Dave whispered in my ear, 'Do you want to see my most precious posession?' I looked at him and he nodded to his lap. I looked down and there was a banana with googly eyes and a smiley face on it.  
>It scared the heebyjeebies out of me, and Dave laughed because I jumped. I<em> ignorez-vous<em>ed him for the rest of the film. That'll teach him. Although I don't think he noticed because he was watching the film.

**2 minutes later**

What is this film? Why did I come and see it?  
>Dave's hand squeezed my leg.<br>Oh yeah, that's why. He really does give me jelloid knickers akimbo. I don't know what it is about him.  
>Maybe it's because he's my boyfriend now.<br>I wonder when I'm going to tell him that I... love him?

**2:34pm**

Out of the cinema. I'm not even sure what the film was about.  
>When we came out of the theatre all us girls went flying off to the tarts' wardrobe to refresh make-up. Jas was sitting on the edge of a sink, rambling on about the film and how it had 'inspired her'. Pfftt. If she doesn't shut up soon I may be forced to push her in the sink and turn the tap on and then run away.<p>

**2 minutes later**

As I came out of the doors Dave jumped on my back and cried, 'Piggyback, piggyback!' What whaat?  
>I was now a donkey?<br>He's slapping my bottom and going, 'Giddyup, giddyup!' Oh Blimey O'Reilly, what in God's name is this? He's vair heavy.  
>I managed to wave to the Ace Gang and their boyfriends as they went off up towards town. Jas looked at me and did the 'phone me' thing with her hand.<br>I said, a bit out of breath, 'Dave, I am not a donkey! And you're really heavy.' I shoved him off and he looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

'Are you saying I'm fat?'

'No, it's just that you're a man and you're all tall and muscular and I can't carry your weight.'

'It's because you're a weak little chicken.'

'No, it's not.'

'Yes it is.'

'It's not.'

'It is.'

'It's not!' And to prove it I marched over to him and shoved him as hard as I could.  
>He barely moved. He folded his arms and went, 'No, bad Kittykat. Don't shove Davey unless you want to land on your botty.'<br>I shoved him again.

**3 minutes later**

Being carried over Dave's shoulder.  
>I was hitting him and going, 'DAVE, you put me down now!'<p>

'Not until you apologise for shoving me when I told you not to.'

'I was proving a point. You said I was a weak little whatsit and I wanted to prove that I'm not.'

'Chicken. A weak little chicken.' He corrected me. Whatever. He carried on, 'And who's being carried over Davey's shoulder right now?'

I sighed. 'I am. Only because you were being mean.'

He plonked me down again. I wriggled my dress down a bit. I hope no one had saw my knick-knacks...

'I'm sorry, Kittykat. Now let's go, my Mutti is expecting us.' Well, that was an unexpected turn of the books. Usually he'll carry on an argument for hours.  
>He took my hand and we walked off down the road.<p>

**2 minutes later**

'So, anything happened at your crazy household since the Hornmeister's visit last night?'

Hmmmmmmm. Has there been anything? I don't think so...  
>I said, 'Well, besides the ordinary Vati-making-sad-jokes and being ungrateful of my help around the house (Dave raised his eyebrows), umm... Gordy sat on my toast and then ate it, Libby stole my eyeliner and used it on Pantalizer doll again but I managed to get it more or less under control, and Mutti gave me another fiver. She's been acting weird recently, being nice to me and stuff. She said there's a family meeting when I get home.'<p>

Dave looked at me. 'It's not going to be about me, is it?'

Hmm. It could be... But mum and dad don't usually call 'family meetings' when they want to talk to me about a boy. Vati will just drop pathetico little jokes and Mutti will sit on my bed and try to have a woman-to-woman chat with me. And they usually turn out to be really crap and cringe-worthy and I have to kick her out before she starts rambling on about her and Vati's relationship and I'll never get her to shut up.  
>I smiled at him. 'I don't think so. I'll call you after it, to let you know what happened.' He nodded.<p>

I'm so gladdy glad that I can just tell everything to Dave and not have to sound all sophis and grown-up and leave everything about school and stuff out of the conversation. I realised that doing that before made me feel quite mizz.

**At Dave's house**

Finally here. I sort of stood behind Dave as he opened the door. I noticed a little garden gnome next to the hedge, with a pair of pants on it's head. I started to giggle. Oh, please no, not the giggles. Not now in one of the most important moments of my life. Sort of.  
>He went in first and I followed him.<br>We both took our shoes off and he led me into the kitchen. No taking my shoes off for me this time. Oh shut up, brain. You need to stop rambling or I'll make you sit on the naughty step.  
>My tummy is doing little flips. I've suddenly come over all nervous and shy...<p>

**In the kitchen**

'Mutti, this is Georgia.' He gestured to me and I sort of stood there awkwardly. Dave stepped out the way, and I saw this lovely woman with dark hair standing by a chopping board, cutting some onions.  
>Wow. Cutting onions.<br>She was nothing like my Mutti. Her nunga-nungas were normal sized. (Not that I was looking at her nungas. But you get the idea). Like, they didn't get in the way when she moved.  
>She smiled at me and said, 'Oh, hello Georgia! I've heard so much about you. I'm Caroline, but you can call me Carrie. I would shake your hand but it's covered in onions.' And she laughed a light little laugh. I<p>

smiled and said, 'It's nice to meet you, er... Carrie.'  
>She nodded her head to Dave and said, 'This one never shuts up about you. Make sure you keep her, Davey! I like her already,' And she winked at me. Awwww.<br>Wait... Did that mean she didn't like Emma? I wonder why?

Carrie said to Dave, 'Now, the family is coming to dinner tonight, so put a nice shirt on, will you dear? Uncle Franky and Auntie Bubba are coming. And sort out your hair, please.' And she laughed.  
>Uncle Franky and Auntie Bubba? I thought Dave's family would be normal...<p>

Dave said,' MUTTI, can you not call them that? That's their childish names. I'm not a baby anymore, I can call them Uncle Frank and Auntie Robin.'  
>Ohhhh. That's what their names really are. Not that I thought their names really would be Franky and Bubba.<br>Not at all.

Dave said, 'What's for dinner?'

'Spag bowl. Now scram before you start picking at snacks. Your siblings will be home soon.'

**10 minutes later  
>In Dave's roomfloor/thingy**

It really is groovy _mit schnickschnack_ (with knobs on) in here. I notice that Dave has hidden the poster of the naked men with their bums showing.  
>Then it dawned on me... I said, 'Dave, the Uncle Bubba or whoever coming tonight-'<p>

'Uncle Franky.'

'Right, right, Uncle Franky... Well, is he the one who thinks you're gay?'

Dave just sat on the sofa and sighed. He nodded his head.

'Yeah. I'm not sure why he does, but he never shuts up about it. It got old about 2 years ago, and he still keeps at it. When I was five he would dress me up in Tinkerbell outfits and make me dance around until I really believed I was a fairy.' I tried not to laugh. Dave... In a Tinkerbell outfit? I wonder if his Uncle Franky has any pictures...  
>'But I just used to hit him with my wand... Oo-er. I knew I was a man even then.'<br>Then he jumped up and started pulling really crap poses, flexing his muscles and going, 'Oh _jah_, who's the Vati? _Jah_, _jah_!'  
>He was really making me laugh and then he jumped on me. I couldn't breathe.<br>I went, 'DAVE, get your arse off me now.'

'TELL ME I'M THE VATI!'

'Dave, what's gotten into you?'

'SAY IT!'

'YOU ARE THE BLOODY VATI!'

There was silence.  
>Dave was just staring over the sofa, so I managed to shove him off me and look too.<br>Uh-oh. His Mutti's head was popping out from the trap door, just staring at us.  
>Er...<br>Then she burst out laughing. Oh good, she had a sense of humour.  
>Hang on a minute.<br>She was laughing... EXACTLY like Dave laughs!  
>Aww! That's soooo cute.<p>

I smiled and laughed too. I looked over at Dave, but he was just staring at her, petrified. Why?  
>Then he ran over the her and put his hand over her mouth, going, 'Mutti, mother, SHHH! Stop bloody laughing!' Dave's Mutti just carried on laughing behind his hand.<p>

I said, 'Why don't you want her to laugh?'

Dave glanced at me and went, 'Er, I just don't.'

'Is it because she laughs exactly like you do?'

He looked at me. He took his hand off his Mutti's mouth and went, 'For pants' sake, Mum, please stop doing that.'

'Awww, my little cat is embarrassed.'

Dave went red.

I said, 'Aww Dave, it's not that bad. It is tres tres cute. Just think - Is it as bad as my Vati's clown car?'

Dave smiled and shook his head. 'That car is of good value in the comedy world. I may hijack it and take it on a ride to Spain.'

'Dave, you are mad.'

'No, you are mad.'

'No, you are mad.'

'No-'

'Sorry, can I just interrupt?'

Oops. Dave's Mutti is still here. She smiled and said, 'I was just coming to tell you that Harry and Charlotte are back from their drawing club at the church and they wanted to come and say hello. Tatty bye.' And she disappeared.  
>They must be Dave's siblings. I can't wait to meet them...<p>

**3:14pm**

Playing peekabo like there's no tomorrow. Harry and Charlotte are adorable! Harry's just like Dave, it's spooky - it was like seeing a little miniature version of Dave the Laugh come tottling up to me.  
>Dave said, 'I'm training him to be a comedy genius, like moi. His primary school won't stand a chance.'<br>Oh god, two Dave the Laughs? What larks.  
>Charlotte jumped in my face and went, 'BOO!' She scared me so much I fell over backwards.<br>She was laughing her little head off. And not in a mad 'heggy heggy hog' way that Libby does. Just a normal, cute little girl laugh.  
>When I first saw her she ran over to me and wrapped herself around my leg. I didn't really know what to do so I just carried on walking and she came along with me, laughing and laughing. But then Harry wanted to join in so I had to distract them by saying I'll play Playdough with them. Dave had just been sitting there watching the entire time.<p>

**3 minutes later**

Harry has just stuck a piece of Playdough in my hair and I can't get it out. Oh buggeration, I hope I don't have to cut it off...  
>Harry looked at me and he has exactly the same eyes as Dave. And his hair is quite dark, too. He smiled. Hmm, he's got his Mum's smile. I don't mean he ripped it off her face, but you get it.<br>Charlotte's got sort of a lighter brown colour in her hair, and her eyes are more green than brown. I want to see their Vati now, to see what he looks like.  
>I bet he doesn't wear leather trousers.<p>

**10 minutes later**

After making a Playdough rabbit and having it thrown out the window, Dave vacated the toddlers and we snuggled up on the sofa.  
>I said, 'Harry looks alot like you.'<p>

'I know. He is my mini-me.'

'But he has your Mutti's smile.'

He rolled his eyes. I laughed.

'So, how old are they?'

'Harry's seven, Charlotte's five.'

'Ahh. So you're like, the role model.' And I winked at him.

Dave looked a bit uncomfortable. He shifted and went, 'Umm, kind of. Yeah, I guess.'

'What is it?' I said.

'It's nothing. Well...'

I looked at him. 'Dave...'

'Okay. I have an older brother. He's called George, he goes to Uni in Manchester. But he's coming round tonight.'

I looked down. Hmm, an older brother? He hadn't told me he had an older brother. Why is he so bothered about him?  
>I wonder if he's really embarrassing or something. I don't really want to see Dave really embarrassed, I mean, his Mutti is fine, but what about his Uncle Franky? And now him brother?<br>I squeezed him and said, 'Oh Davey, you'll be fine. I'm sure he's not that embarrassing.'

Dave looked at me and went, 'George isn't embarrassing. It's just he... Well... He likes to flirt with my girlfriends. And he knows it pisses me off. He's a right bugger. Don't talk to him, please, Georgia. Just ignore him.'  
>I frowned. Why would I talk to him? He flirts with Dave's girlfriends? Hmm, he does seem like a bit of a Wet Lindsay-type. Speaking of her, I wonder where she is nowadays. Hopefully somewhere far away.<p>

I said, 'Do you know anything about Wet Lindsay? You know, she was with Masimo when she was supposed to be with Robbie, what was that about? Does Robbie know she was with him?'

Dave sighed. He stroked my hair and looked like he was thinking. 'I think Tom said something about Lindsay being a bit weird with Robbie. But he was surprised to see her with Masimo, and he doesn't think Robbie knows. Tom's never liked her.'

'Who would?'

'A fellow octopus?'

We laughed. So, Robbie doesn't know about Miss No Forehead being with Masimo, and he's always been forced to be with her... Does this give me the right to tell him?  
>I mean, I've always wanted to break them up and free him from her slimy tentacles. Maybe I should phone him...<p>

Dave broke me out of my debait by suddenly kissing me. Number four... Phwoarrr, he is rather _gut_ at snogging, I must say.

**5:00pm**

Snogged Dave for a while and then we watched another film. It was a sequel to the one we watched last time. Why does he like these films? They're vile.  
>Dave's Mutti popped her head up through the trap door. She said, 'Dinner's ready! Dave, I said put a nice shirt on. I don't think 'Bikini Beach is my Home' would really impress your family. And clean up that Playdough, please! It'll stick to the floor.'<p>

Ah well, every Mutti must nag. It is nature.

Dave sighed and got up. He put on a nice white shirt with grey patterns on it that made him look V sexy. He saw me looking and did a James Bond twist and then that pose where he holds the gun out. Then he winked at me.

I laughed. 'Dave, you're so silly. But that sexy shirt makes up for it.' I walked over to him and held the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. I felt him melt into me and.. Ohhhh I don't know. It's just like he's right for me. In every way.  
>I let go of him and stared into his eyes. He seemed a bit misty-eyed. I said, 'Are you okay?'<br>He took a moment to respond and then shook himself and went, 'Yeah, Sex Kitty, I'm fine. We should go. And remember - Don't listen to my Uncle Franky, don't listen OR talk to my brother George. Here we go.' And he climbed down the ladder.  
>Hmmm.<p>

**2 minutes later**

Walking to the kitchen. The house smells luuurvely - all warm and homely and the smell of bolognese that's not burnt or from a microwave meal.  
>Dave held my hand and pulled me into the dining room. Wow, it really is vair nice in here, all these ornaments on the windowsill and a nice tablecloth and everything.<p>

Dave pulled a chair out for me and I sat down. He sat next to me and poured me some Coke. I took this as the oppurtunity to sneak a look down the table at everybody.  
>Uncle Franky had HAIR! Yessss he's not bald and mad like my Uncle. He's got light browny-blonde hair that's a bit receded but still, hair. Next to him was another man who I suspect to be Dave's Vati - he's got light brown hair and was wearing a nice shirt and normal dad trousers. Thank you, Baby Jesus. Atleast my boyfriend's family is normal.<br>Well, normal so far.  
>A quite plump lady was sitting opposite Uncle Franky - that must be Auntie Bubba. She was one of those nice rosy-cheeked ladies that are all bubbly and the life of the party. She made me smile just looking at her.<br>And then right at the end of the table was a very attractive and very mysterious-looking dark haired boy, who suddenly looked up and winked at me.

**A/N: May the Horn be with you. :D that is all.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the books this is based on, they belong to Louise Rennison. The plot is mine, however.**

**Chapter 6: Borrowed Dave's oven gloves?**

**5:15pm **  
><strong>At Dave's dinner table<strong>

Dave's family is vair hilarious. It's only been 15 minutes and I'm already trying not to laugh my bottom off. You know when you're trying to be serious and set a good impression and so on infront of someone's family, but they make a joke that you find hilarious, but you don't want to burst out laughing uncontrollably and look like le complete fool and a half?  
>Well, I had that. And Dave's family makes jokes ALOT.<p>

Uncle Franky keeps trying to balance spoons and forks and stuff on Charlotte's nose, and they keep falling off. And his Uncle's laugh is the most hysterical thing I've ever heard in my life. It sort of goes, 'Aheyugh, ahheeeeeeeyugh!' I can't describe it, but it's great.  
>Uncle Franky failed once again to balance a fork on Charlotte's nose so he turned to me and Dave. Dave was holding my hand under the table. His Uncle looked at me, and then at Dave, raised an eyebrow and went, 'I hope this one knows how to juggle.' And winked.<br>Er, what?  
>Dave went, 'Uncle... Even for you, that makes no sense.'<br>His Uncle looked pointedly at him and went, 'I mean, if she can, she could teach you a thing or two. You'll never be able to keep her AND have your brown-haired fella you have round.'  
>I looked right round at Dave and opened my eyes wide in fake surprise. 'Dave?'<br>Dave rolled his eyes and I think he kicked Uncle Franky under the table. 'Shut up, Uncle, that's Rollo. He's my mate.'  
>'Yeah, you can't fool me. I hear those.. Grunting noises...'<br>'WE'RE PLAYING ON XBOX!'  
>'Don't raise your voice at me, campo. I may have to force your old Tinkerbell outfit back on you, and I'm sure your little lass here won't want to see that.'<p>

I had to hold in my laughter so that my nose didn't spread all ad-hoc over my face.  
>Pray God I didn't look like I needed a poo or something.<p>

Dave's ears went red but he just muttered, 'So immature.' I heard a chuckle from the end of the table, and looked up to see Dave's brother smiling. His face was still hidden because he had his head down, but it was a fit head...  
>Oh SHUT UP BRAIN!<p>

**2 minutes later**

Okay, I think it's time for some mental therapy. And I don't mean therapy because I'm mental, I mean therapy in my head. If I did it out loud I would probably look a tad strange.  
>So, be truthful and say the situation over.<p>

Dave is my boyfriend (Well, girlfriend). Yes, I think Dave's brother is good-looking. Who wouldn't? He has dark, rich chocolate brown hair that's swept to the side, and sort of ruffled at the back with gel. His eyes are a chocolate brown colour and his skin looks vair soft and smooth. He's wearing a black shirt and black jeans and a black leather jacket is over his chair.  
>Now, what do I want myself to do?<p>

FORGET HOW GROOVY LOOKING HIS BROTHER IS. It's Dave's brother! He is just going to be a mate, if anything.  
>I love Dave, and he is my one and only.<p>

Doesn't mean I can't look at his brother though.

YES IT DOES! I cannot even THINK about his brother that way. Stupid, stupid Georgia. Just shut up now. Shush.

**5 minutes later**

'Gee... Are you okay?'  
>Oops. I nodded.<p>

I think Dave realised I was sort of absorbed in my head. I must've looked like I was daydreaming or something. I think I was staring at the table.

'Ah, food's here. Finally.' Dave smiled at me. I smiled back. Obviously Dave's my one and only one. Look at him. He's gorgeous. And he's all mine.

Dave's Mutti set a bowl each of the spag bowl infront of me and Dave. Mmmm, it smelled luuurvely.  
>Carrie was wearing these pink oven gloves with cupcakes on. Aww, sweet.<br>Then Dave's Uncle goes, 'Borrowed Dave's oven gloves, Carrie?'

Teehehehe. Dave didn't find it funny though. He just sort of shook his head like his Uncle was vair stupid.  
>I reached for my cutlery and dug in. I've decided to do the cutting-it-up really small technique so I don't have to slurp it up and get sauce all over my face. And it's working quite well so far.<br>Mmmm yummy scrumboes. This spag bowl is DELISH.

The family was quite quiet whilst we ate, but there was light conversation going between different people. Dave's Mutti and Vati and Uncle Franky and Aunty Bubba... George and Harry... I wonder what they're talking about?  
>Who knows. Who cares. I'm in luuurve heaven.<br>And I'm actually a bit nervous infront of Dave's family. But I'm sure I'll get used to it.

**5:35pm**

Finished my dinner before everyone else. Umm...  
>I just sort of sat there staring at my bowl. Dave finished too and looked at me. Cor, he really does have vair gorgeous eyes. They remind me of a forest with the sun shining through the leaves and so on. But not in a weird voley kind of way.<br>He smiled at me and, ohh I don't know, I got butterflies. He's just so gorgey and marv and... He is my one and only one forever and only. And one.  
>But his brother keeps looking at me. Well, every time I've just sort of innocently glanced up at him, he looked at me at exactly the same time.<br>What does this mean?  
>Does it mean Baby Jesus wants something?<br>What do you want, oh Holey One?  
>An egg?<p>

**2 minutes later**

Dave asked politely if we could be excused. As I went out the door, I threw a glance back at George, and I SWEAR he glanced at my bottom! What a cheeky so-and-so...

**6:00pm**

After politely refusing some cheesecake, Dave and I went up to his room. We lay on his sofa all cuddled together. He was playing with my hair.  
>I hadn't seen George since dinner, but I wonder what his problem is? Is it true that he'll try and steal me from Dave?<br>I mean, if they had fisticuffs over me, I wouldn't bet on Dave to beat him to the floor. George was quite tall.  
>But it would be extremely gorgey and a half if they had fisticuffs over me. I can imagine it now, Dave being all surly and big and macho, squaring up to his brother...<br>Dave put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his. Ohh, he wasn't smiling. He looked a litte upset-like.

'Kittykat, are you okay?'  
>'I'm fine.'<br>He looked away. 'It's just 'cos, well at dinner you were a bit quiet. Were you uncomfortable or something?'

I was very uncomfortable, yes. 'No, I was fine. Just a little tired, you know? And wondering what my family meeting is about tonight. It could be anything, hopefully my Vati moving out, or blowing up the clown car or maybe they're going on a 'romantic' holiday together but really it'll just be hanging out with some old blokes in beards singing national anthems and...'  
>'Gee.' Oh no, I'd said too much. Great, Georgia, just blow your cover. You were doing well. Oh shut up.<br>I looked up at Dave. He did look quite worried.

I decided to take the bull by it's whatsits. I took Dave's face in my hands and brought his lips down to mine, and kissed him really softly.  
>I looked into his gorgey eyes and said, 'Dave, I want you to understand that I'm not going anywhere. And if you're worried about George, you should put that idea out of your head right now, because nothing is ever going to take me away from you. You're my Dave the Tart,' And I smiled at him.<br>He looked at me really meaningfully, and eventually smiled really wide. 'Thanks, Gee.' He said.

And then he sort of biffed my nose with the tip of his. It made me giggle.  
>I said, 'Dave, what was that?'<br>He shrugged. 'I don't know, but let's go down to the living room. I want you to talk to Auntie Bubb- Er, Auntie Robin. She'll luuurve you.' And he grabbed my hand and dragged me away.

**In Dave's living room**

It's all nice and cosy in here. Everyone's sitting on a sofa apart from Harry and Charlotte who are on the floor playing with cars and dolls and so on. Like a really nice, normal family. Why can't my family be like this?  
>I imagined what it would be like if my family were here too. Mutti would probably be trying to have a girly chat with Dave's Mutti, Dad would probably be describing his clown car with Dave's dad, Uncle Eddie would probably have raided their wine stock... Libby would have already murdered the two children on the floor and made it look like an accident. Or atleast tied one up and fed them bars of soap.<p>

Dave's Mutti and Vati are on one sofa, cuddled up together with a glass of wine each. Auntie Bubba and Uncle Franky are on another sofa, holding hands, and in an armchair a little separated from the others, was George. I didn't look at him as I walked in, hand in hand with Dave. I will retain my dignity and live to bloom another day or whatever.

**1 minute later**

Dave sat on a big armchair opposite Auntie Bubba and Uncle Franky and gestured for me to sit next to him. I looked at him, and then had to try and squish myself in next to him. Actually we fit quite comfortably.  
>'So, Auntie Robin, this is Gee.'<br>The plump, smiling lady held out a hand to me and said, 'Well, hello, Georgia. You can call me Aunti Bubba, and so can you,' she said, nodding at Dave. 'Just because you're almost seventeen now, doesn't mean you're too old to call me by my family name. Georgie still does, don't you, pumpkin?' And she looked over at George, who looked up and smiled. Oh, wow...  
>He didn't smile like Dave did. When Dave smiles, it's a nice, warm smile, where you can tell he's joking and he's a really nice person. With George... It's like there was a million secrets behind it.<br>Hmm.  
>He nodded and then went back to looking at his phone. I wonder who he's texting. Probably his girlfriend.<p>

**2 minutes later**

'So, how'd you meet our Davey-pops then?' Auntie Bubba smiled. Dave's face went a little red and he said, 'Bubba, don't call me that, please.' I heard Uncle Franky chuckle. 'And we met through, er, school.' I remembered that we'd actually met through Robbie setting us up. Er, that's a little awkward to explain to his family... Now I think about it, it's strange how Robbie set us up and I used Dave just to get Robbie back, and now I'm here going out with Dave and I'm in love with him. Weird.

**6:44pm**

We talked with Auntie Bubba for a bit, and she's really nice. And funny, too. It's like Dave's whole family has a sense of humour. Not like my family's sense of humour. I think this is my new family now.  
>But George kept looking at me and smiling a little. Like, a mischeiveous smile. It was kinda putting me on the edge. Of what, I don't know.<br>Dave sensed it with his sensing senses, however, and took me back upstairs. He seemed more angry than worried, now.

When he shut the trap door he walked over to his hammock and threw himself in it, and I could tell he was grumpy. I went and sat on his bed, next to him. 'Dave...'  
>'Bastard! That little bugger, how DARE he...'<br>'Dave, he didn't really... Like, he didn't do anything...'  
>Dave sat up. 'Hasn't done anything? Yeah, he hasn't <em>yet<em>. But he will. He's got that look...' He sighed. I sort of looked down. 'The way he looks at you... I don't like it, Gee. You have to promise me you won't say _anything_ to him, talk to him or anything. Please.' He came and sat next to me and looked straight into my eyes. He said softly, 'I don't want to lose you.'  
>He made my heart melt. Awww, he's so sweet. And yes, he's all mine.<br>I kissed him suddenly really hard on the lips.

And then we snogged for England.  
>And possibly America too.<p>

**8:30pm **  
><strong>Walking to my house<strong>

Phwooaarrr. Lord Neptune and a half, Dave is GROOVY BANANAS at snogging. And just everything in general. Apart from being a girl and stuff. Although that's good. So he's.. Yeah.  
>I can't believe Dave's brother is so good-looking. It was quite unexpected, seeing as I didn't even know he had an older brother in the first place. I wonder why Dave didn't tell me before?<br>He probably just didn't see it was important. Or didn't want to talk about it.

**2 minutes later**

Thinking about it, Dave said George likes to flirt with his girlfriends, and seemed really sure about it. Like something had happened before.  
>Surely George can't have stolen one of Dave's girlfriends before?<br>Oh my giddy God, what if it was Rachel or someone? Oh wait, Dave dumped Rachel. Or maybe that was just a cover...  
>Oh shush it, brain. If it's true, then that girl was stupid to go to George, therefore too stupid for Dave in the first place. I belong with him, so that's that.<br>I'm happy happy happy. Times ten million.

**11 minutes later **  
><strong>Nearing my house<strong>

I can see Angus strutting down the road towards me. What is that hanging out of his mouth? Ewww it looks disgusting from here.

**10 seconds later**

He's quite near me now. He's just jumped on a wall... He's coming closer...

**1 minute later**

OH MY GOODNESS, IT'S A RAT!  
>And he's waving it in my face! EWW!<p>

**2 minutes later**

I need to burn my hair. And soak my face in disinfectant. And possibly bleach.

**3 minutes later**

Angus dropped the rat ON. MY .HEAD. I couldn't believe it. It was SO disgusting.

**1 minute later**

I tore down the road to the door and burst in, running straight for the kitchen. Mutti was in there making some tea, so I started taking my rage out on her.  
>'Oh beloved Mutti, how kind of you to be here in this kitchen where you are hardly ever found. Our beloved feline friend and pet Angus has just strutted down the street towards me with a mystery item hanging from his gob, and from close inspection I see that it is a RAT, and then I suddenly have it DUMPED ON MY HEAD! What are you going to do about it?'<br>She stood there staring at me for a minute, and then sighed as though she was giving up and just walked past me. What?  
>I growled and stomped out.<p>

**4 minutes later **  
><strong>In the bathroom<strong>

Scrubbing the living daylights out of my face and hair. I can't believe this has happened.  
>On the bright side, this has been a rather good day. Dave's family is much better than I expected. At least they're not all really posh and stuck up.<p>

**10 minutes later**

'Georgia! Family meeting time!'

Oh bloody hell. I'd forgotten.. I must remember to ring Dave afterwards. I wonder what this is about...

I walked into the front room. Mutti was sitting on a sofa, and Vati was standing up. Libby was curled up in an armchair with Pantaliser Doll and that sodding plastic fish that moves and sings 'It's beCOD I'm a Londoner'. I don't want to know what she was making them talk about in her little voice.

'Georgia, sit down, please.' Oh great, Vati's got his 'reasonable' and 'sensible' and 'parent' voice on.  
>I sat down slowly. He cleared his throat and went, 'Now, I know you're, well, with that Dave chap now, and he's a very nice fellow...' Chap? Fellow? 'And you're doing well with your school and stuff, and you're happy and, well, yes.'<br>Yes, yes, get on with it. He went on, 'So, we've decided to tell you in the calmest way, because you tend to overreact...'  
>Mutti said, 'We just want you to understand the situation and, well you're mature enough to handle it without fuss, I hope...'<br>'We just want to say...'  
>Oh for Pete's sake get on with it! I said, 'Well? Are you going to tell me any time soon?'<br>They looked at each other and Libby looked up and then Vati said, 'Cousin James is coming to live with us.'

**A/N: I'm not exactly sure how to depict this thing with Cousin James yet but it's coming along smoothly. What do you guys think? Should it be serious big things that he tries to do with Gee or should it just be silly little things like in the books? Tell me please. :D**  
><strong>Follow me on Tumblr guys (ellieloobags) and we can tumble together.<strong>

**May the Horn be with you. :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the books they're based on, they belong to Louise Rennison. The plot is mine. :)**

**A/N: So yeah, chapter 7, enjoy :) I can't wait for this plot to unfold! Agh I feel like Steven Moffat im so sorry guys**

**Chapter 7: Things are gonna get saucy**

**10:34pm  
>In my bedroom hating life<strong>

WHAT? I mean, what. Just, what.

**2 minutes later**

How could they? My parents, my own flesh and blood, exploiting me to this... This horrible thing...  
>Don't they understand how much I HATE having Cousin James round? He's not even like a cousin anymore. He's just a pervert. A pervert with a baby ferret on his lip.<p>

**10:44pm**

No no no no no! This can't be happening.  
>I think I'm having a stroke.<p>

**3 minutes later**

Okay Georgia, breathe.  
>They tried to 'explain' this monstrosity by saying, 'It's only for a couple of weeks, love. You two get along fine, don't you? It'll be fun!'<br>Fun?  
>Fun my arse, he'll be ogling my nungas like there's no tomorrow most of the time. And the rest he'll be spending trying to get me to play tickly bears.<br>And I wish that was an overreaction.

**10:50pm**

Ewwww memories are coming back!

**11:00pm**

They are betrayers, I hate them.

**2 minutes later**

Well I suppose it's not that bad. I mean, we could make up a dance routine like we used to or something. Maybe he's grown out of all that pervy stuff?

**1 minute later**

I bloody hope he has.

**11:04pm**

Crap! I was supposed to call Dave. I hope he's not worrying.

I wonder what to tell him. I can't exactly say 'My parents are making me live with my creepy cousin who is a pervert and will try to touch my nungas' can I? I don't really want to tell Dave that my cousin has done things like that.  
>Actually, I think I need to tell him. He'll be fine with it.<p>

**In the hall phoning Dave**

Ring ring, ring ring...

'It's about time, Kittykat.'  
>Ohh it felt so good to hear his voice. I was instantly cheered up.<p>

'Sorry Dave, I was recovering from shock. My dear mater and pater are forcing me to live with my creepy Cousin James.'

There was a pause, and then Dave went, 'So?'

'So! James is a pervert. He always wants to play tickly bears in the dark and one time he even tried to touch my nunga. And he's put his hand on my leg whilst I was in bed, too. He's a creep, Dave. And I have to live with him.'

Dave was laughing through most of this, but then he sighed and said, 'For how long, minx?'

'A couple of weeks.'

'Ohhhh you'll be fine. I know you will. Remember, if he tries anything, Jack le Biscuit will be there to save you. Like a ninja.'

'Dave, please don't wear your pants on your head again like a crap superhero.'

'It was sexy.'

'It was not. Everyone thought you looked like le complete loon.'

'I am a loon, Sex Kitten. And that's why you love me,' He said, and I could hear him smiling. Not hear him hear him smiling, just like, hear his voice and knew he was smiling.

Ohhhh I wish he knew that I really DID love him.  
>But I can't tell him yet.<p>

He said, 'So he's coming to live with you?'

'Oui. I don't even know where he's going to sleep, but it is NOT going to be in my room. I am forbidding that with a firm hand.'

'Good. Can't have my Kittykat's innocence be stolen by her cousin before me, ay?' Oh, he's so rude.

I said, 'Dave, that's rudey dudey. You're so inappropriate.'

'No, you're the inappropriate one.'

'No, you are.'

'No, it's you.'

'You.'

'You, Kittykat.'

'You, Davey.'

'YOU.'

'Stop it now.'

He sighed. 'So, we won't be able to snog in your bedroom yet?'

I gasped. 'Dave!'

'Sorry, sorry. You know I'm only joking.' And he was smiling again. Well, I think he was.

I smiled too. 'Okay, I overreacted a little bit. But atleast the meeting wasn't about you.'

'Yes. I was worried your family secretly hated me or something,' he said.

I laughed. 'Dave, I think it's quite impossible to hate you.'

'Of course it is. I am the King.'

'Yes.'

He sighed and I heard him stretching. 'Okay Kittykat, I think it's time I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams,'

'Okay. You too, Dave.'

'Don't let the bed bugs bite.'

'Er, I won't.'

'Good. And er...' He paused. I waited, and then...

'Night.' He said.  
>Oh.<br>He sounded a bit distant. I said, 'Night Dave.'

And he hung up.

Hmm.

**4 minutes later  
>In my bedroom<strong>

I wonder what he was going to say? I mean, it didn't seem like he was just going to say 'Night'.  
>I wonder what was on his mind.<p>

**2 minutes later**

What did I want him to say?

**Monday 31st October  
>6:30am<strong>

Woke up from a dream where I walked into my room and James was in there in Dave's chicken suit, and he saw me and said 'I'm laying you an egg.' And there on the bed was an egg, which hatched and out popped Dave with a Santa hat on, going 'For he's a jolly good fellow...'  
>I don't know what this means.<p>

**7:00am**

WHY AM I UP SO EARLY.

**7:01am**

Well I suppose I can't go back to sleep so I'll just cleanse and tone, cleanse and tone. Ready for the day ahead.

**7:10am**

Can't get up.

**2 minutes later**

Tried to get up, walked two feet and then collapsed on the floor.  
>It should be illegal for kids to have to get up this early.<br>Maybe if I ran for priminister I could enforce new...  
>Zzzzzz.<p>

**8:10am**

Oops. Fell asleep in the middle of my floor and woke up to Mutti screaming at me and Gordy trying to do a poo on my foot.  
>I kicked him away and he ran high speed out of the door hissing and spitting.<br>What is wrong with our household?

**8:15pm**

Shoved my hair up in a bunch and legged it out the door. Ohhh Jas is going to have the megahump with me. Oh well, I'll just have to take it.

**8:17pm**

Run run, pant pant. This is stupid. Why can't we just be home educated? Or better, not have to have school at all. I mean, most of the stuff we learn is boring and pointless.  
>Apart from German, of course. Because a good <em>knutscht<em> every now and again is good and healthy for all.

**1 minute later**

Jas was sitting on her wall with her hair all done and her skirt rolled up. All dolled up for... Who? Haha, just kidding, it's Hunky, of course. WHO ELSE?  
>I'm in a bad mood this morning. I don't know why.<p>

She hopped off her wall and I glimpsed her knick-knacks. I gasped. 'Jas, do you actually have sexy SILK panties on? Of regular size?'

She went a little red and said, 'They're for Hunky. I thought I'd, you know, surprise him. Because, he's, well... He's...' And she sobbed. Oh no, what had happened?

'Jazzy, what's wrong?'

She collapsed into me and I put my army round her. I hoped there were no Blunder Boys about to start another lezzie rumour.

'He's, he's... He's going off to Hamburger-a-go-go land, Gee. Next weekend. He's going for a month..' And she started full on crying. Oh god...

I said, 'Well, Jas, if he's off to snog hamburgers or whatever they do there instead of stay here in England with you, then he's obviously not the right fishy in the sea. It'll be okay pally-'

'No, he's going to look at the Universities there.'

'Oh.' Oh yeah, I remember now. Jas was talking about Tom going to Uni in America and she wanted to go to York or something like that. Because she's awkward.  
>And voley.<p>

**2 minutes later**

But she's my pally so I fished out a midget gem and offered it to her. She was still sobbing with her head down though so I just sort of pushed it in through her lips. She choked a bit, but she was okay.

I said, 'So, if he goes to Uni there... He'll be gone for a while?'

Oops, I shouldn't have said that. She burst out into tears and threw herself on me. Ohhh, as much as she irritates me, I don't really like seeing her like this.

I sighed. I'll have to cheer her up somehow... I felt like singing 'Don't worry, be happy...' by that Bob Marley fellow, but I didn't. I wonder how I can cheer her up?

**Stalag 14  
>In the cloakrooms<strong>

I was hanging up my coat when the idea hit me. I cried, 'By God, Jas, it's Halloween!'

She looked at me through her fringe (which had gone all flicky but I didn't say). 'So?'

Oh, obviously she's not embracing the festive spirit. 'Soooooo,' I said. 'We can do something tonight, to help lighten your mood. I'm sure Rosie'll-'

'YODELLAYHEEHOOOOO!'

Oh goodness gracious me.

**5 minutes later**

We all braced ourselves as Rosie came flying in, knocking over some first formers on the way. She looked at us and - by God - she'd gotten a new beard. And she'd painted her pipe bright purple.

'Mornin' fellas. Y'all know what day it is?'

I said, 'It's Halloween, fool.'

'Y'ALL BETCHA IT'S HALLOWEEN! And by golly I've got a treat for yous. Swing by ma' shack tonight at 8, and I'll show ya a rockin' good time! YODELLAAYYY!' And she zoomed off.

What fresh hell.

**10 seconds later**

Me, Jas, Ellen, Jools and Mabs just stood there staring at the spot where she'd been standing, baffled. Then we helped up the titches she'd knocked over, and then swiftly made our way to assembly after being literally barked at by Hawkeye. What does she eat, dog food? I swear the resemblance gets closer each time I see her.

**Assembly**

We all kept glancing down the row towards RoRo to see if she'd give us any hints about tonight. But she just kept her eyes staring straight ahead, and occasionally whipped out her pipe and gave it a quick puff before shoving it away again without getting caught.

It did make me laugh, because she didn't have anything in it, she would just make huffing and puffing noises and pretend to blow on it. And she'd wiggle her eyebrows A LOT.

We were in hysterics, and by the time we had to sing hymns tears were streaming down Jools and Mabs's faces.

**2 minutes later**

Rosie got sent out. Hawkeye spotted her with her pipe in and giggling hysterically, so she came to escort her to Slim's office.

But when she got hold of Rosie's arm, RoRo started frowning and going, 'Oy, where do you think you're taking me? I have a lawyer! You'll never take me alive!' And started flailing her arms about madly.  
>Miss Heaton had to practically drag her out, and as she got out the door she pressed her face up against the window and blew on it so her mouth all spread out and she went cross-eyed.<p>

I nearly weed myself.

**Maths**

RoRo sent me a note:  
><em>Dear All,<em>  
><em>I got detention for the rest of the week and I have to clean up the gym after school 3 nights for a fortnight. All for the brilliant comic display I made today, which I personally thought was an excellent portrayal of edutainment and drama for all years. But apparently Miss Heaton thinks it's 'silly, immature, outrageous and inappropriate'. Well, her dress today was inappropriate, but I didn't complain, did I?<em>  
><em>P.s. make sure none of you are late today. And don't bother dressing up, because I've got all of your Halloween outfits. We're going out trick-or-treating, friends, and it's not normal trick-or-treating. Bring your tightest pants!<em>  
><em>Things are gonna get saucy.<em>  
><em>RoRo xxx<em>

Oh dear Lord, what is she going to make us do.

**Break  
>On the knicker toaster<strong>

Jas is talking with Jools and Mabs, so I got out my Jammy Dodgers just as Ellen dithered over.

'Ohaaaiiii Gee. How's it going with, you know, you and er, Dave?'

'Oh, good.' Munch munch.

'Good. Me and Dec are, well, we're good, like, great. Yeah, he's got a new, er, army knife. He showed me. It's all spiky and...'

'How far have you got on the snogging scale?'

She looked like I'd just morphed into a llama. 'Er, we.. Well, we-'

'ELLEN!'

Crikey, Rosie's voice could bring this whole school down.

'Ye- er, yes?'

'What number, huh? What number you up to? Everyone wants to know. Jools is at 7, Mabs is at 6, I'm at 8 and Jas is at 7.'  
>I looked at Jas. Her and Hunky had done 7? And she hadn't told me?<p>

She blushed as I looked at her. 'Jas, mon pally, you never told me?'

She went redder. 'Well, I just thought... When I told you about my lovebite, on my, on my toe.. You didn't seem that interested.'

'Yes, Jas, that's because it was on your toe. And normal people don't get lovebites on their toes.'

'Me and Hunky are normal.'

'Wrong.'

'Oh be quiet Gee, just because you and Dave are zooming ahead and you didn't even think to call me or-'

'Shut up, Po. Ellen has some explaining to do.' Rosie threw her beard at Jas's face and Jas went all huffy and red.  
>Me and Dave zooming ahead? How dare she.<p>

We all stared at Ellen. She quite literally went beetroot.

'Well, we, I... We're at.. We're at 8.'

We all stared.

**On our way to German**

Ellen had got to 8 on the snogging scale with Dec? Upper body fondling indoors?  
>What has this world come to.<p>

**6:00pm**

I've barricaded my room with my chest of drawers so that Libby and the Freak brothers can't come barging in and ruin my thinking time.  
>I've applied a facemask and cucumber eyepatches for maximum relaxation.<p>

So... I can't believe what Jas said. I'm not zooming ahead with Dave... Am I? I mean, we can do what we like... And it's not like he gave me a lovebite on my toe.  
>Or anywhere to be specific.<br>We just snogged and did a bit of fondling, there's nothing wrong with that, is there?

Just because her and Hunky have only just gotten to 7. 'Taking it slow'. Pfftt.

**6:11pm**

I wonder if lovebites hurt?

**Two minutes later**

'Jas?'

'What?'

'Do lovebites hurt?'

'Oh, well I'm glad you asked me that, because when we were talking just now about the new Frolicking Forest Fanclub we-'

'Jas.'

'What?'

'Are you actually being serious? Frolicking Forest Fanclub? That is inncredibly sad, even for you.'

'It looks quite fun, actually. You go on camping trips to great places rich in wildlife and meet new people.'

'What, more nutcases?'

She sighed. 'Gee, you called me. If you're going to be rude, I'll hang up.'

'Ohhh come on Jazzy.'

'Fine.'

Pause.

'...So?'

'So what?'

'So, does it hurt?'

'Does what hurt?'

Jesus Christ. 'Bungie jumping Jas, what do you think?'

'Well, no, it doesn't. It just feels like someone sucking your skin.'

Hmmmmmmm.

**7:30pm**

Ready. I've applied dark make-up of no bright colours to avoid the risk of clashing with whatever horrible outfit Rosie's going to make us wear.

**On my way to Jas's to go on our way to Rosie's**

It's quite cool out here at night on Halloween. Lights and decorations everywhere, kids running around laughing and trick-or-treating.  
>I wonder what the Blunder Boys are up to this fine evening. Probably larding about in a field somewhere with their pathetic girlfriends.<p>

Really, what idiot would snog them?  
>Well, Mabs did, but that was just for a snog.<p>

**On the way to Rosie's with Jas**

There is a bunch of lads behind us shoving each other and being prats. They are really starting to cheese me off.

One of them went, 'Ay girls, show us your tits?' And all his mates went 'OOOOHHH! Yeah bruv! Get in there' and other rubbish.  
>How sad.<p>

Suddenly, in a fit of madness or just sheer amazingness, Jas whipped round and screamed, 'For God's sake, will you go and be prats somewhere else? No girl in their right mind would snog you so just GET LOST!'  
>And they backed off.<p>

I just stared in amazement.

**3 minutes later**

'WOW, Jas!' I said. 'What was that? You scared the orange juice out of them.'

Her face was a little flustered but she said, 'Well, I thought, since Tom is going to be away for a bit I should discover my fun side. And, well, that was good practise, wasn't it?'

'It was bloody great practise! I love you, Jas.'

'Oh God, don't start with that again.'

**At Rosie's house**

We walked up the path cautiously and paused at the door. I looked at Jas and Jas looked at me, and then Jools and Ellen rounded the corner. I took a breath and nervously knocked on the door.

It swung open not a minute later and stood in the doorway was a giant Sven. Jas gave a panicked squeak at the sight of him, and I laughed. He was in leapord skin rags like a caveman and had a fake wooden club in his hand. He cried, '_Jah, _it is ze girls!' And did a little chicken dance. Er.

Then he stepped to the side, and out came Rosie, followed by Mabs.

Both in tight, bright pink lurex alien jumpsuits.

With giant deely boppers.

Oh Lord.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I know these books and the film are slowly going out of popularity since the last one was published, but just because the series is at an end doesn't mean the spirit should die! :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Georgia Nicolson books or any of the characters, they belong to Louise Rennison. The plot is mine (and the new characters). :)**

**Chapter 8:**

**Sitting on the pavement catching a breath**

**With the gang**

**9:34pm**

Pant, pant. I think I've ruptured a lung or something.

This has been the funniest night in existence, though. Rosie has led us like some kind of gang-mob-ensemble to every house in the nearest five neighbourhoods, knocked on the door and then demanded sweets in a language which she describes as 'Klingon speak'. We have all been speaking like it all night. It kind of sounds like a cross between the Daleks from Doctor Who and a turkey.

**Two seconds later**

The only damper on the night has been that this suit is so tight that my basoomas are literally cascading out from my chest. Almost every person I have seen tonight has commented on them. And they were not all compliments, I tell you.

Jas said, 'Crikey, Georgia, you look like Katie Price.'

Then Jools added, through a mouthful of Haribo, 'Do you think you'll have to get one of those special bras that you said the Queen has? You know, that push your boobs back a bit?'

Blimey O'Reilly, they can be such a bunch of twits sometimes. I just huffed and ate my Maltesers.

**Four minutes later**

Maybe they're right. Maybe I'll have to go to a special werehouse with Mutti and some foreign woman with a tape measure will take my measurements and I'll be strapped up so no one can get hurt incase my basoomas fly out of control.

Which, I tell you, would not be uncommon for me.

**9:45pm**

Skipping around the streets with the girls. We're all linked up by our arms again. And this time it's worse because loads of people are all out trick-or-treating and keep getting caught in our net of lurex and deely-boppers.

**10:00pm**

Yes! We have managed to capture a bunch of quite good-looking boys in our linky-arm line. Woo! Score one for the alien ace gang!

**2 minutes later**

Me and Jas went off to wait in the park whilst the other girls scoured the last few houses for more sweets. I don't think my stomach can hold anymore chocolate and Haribo.

We walked down the road laughing and singing 'Irreplaceable' by Beyonce when we saw someone at the end of the road under the streetlight.

I said, 'Who's that, Jazzy? Do we know them?'

Jas had had a bit of vodka from Rosie's Western-style canteen (yes, seriously), so she kind of squinted and shielded her hand over her eyes as if the light was really bright. 'I'm not sure, Guvna', do we?'

I nudged her playfully, but she almost fell over sideways. 'Are you saying you can't see them from here?'

'Well, neither can you, Georgie, my friend.'

'Yes, Jas, because I do not have my glasses with me.'

'Well, neither do I.'

'Well then.'

'Well.'

We just carried on half-walking, half-stumbling towards the lamppost until I realised that it was Robbie.

'Hey, Robbie!' Jas shouted, waving her hand over her head. He didn't look around, but luckily I shut her up just in time to see Wet Lindsay appear in front of him.

**3 seconds later**

'JAS, hide!'

I pulled Jas behind a nearby parked car - a bit roughly but oh well, she'll live.

'HEY, what are you-'

I clamped my hand over her mouth. 'Be quiet, Jazzy. Look!'

I pointed to where Robbie stood under the lamppost, now with the Wet Winkle herself.

'But that's.. Wet Lindsay.. I thought she was with Masimo-Basibo,' Jas slurred.

'Shhh. I wonder what they're doing out here together.' I said.

Jas burped. How disgusting. I gave her a quick biff over the head, hopefully knocking some classiness into her.

'Well, maybe we should just go and ask him,' she said, and tried to stand up.

'Jas, no!' I said, pulling her down. 'We can't just go over and ask the people we're spying on what they're doing. That would defeat the whole point of spying on them in the first place.'

'But we don't have to spy on them.'

She is so dim. 'No, Jas, we don't. But you're forgetting that Wet Lindsay hates us and if we go over there, there is a very high chance that she will duff us both up. And I do not want to be duffed up in a skin-tight alien costume, thank you very much, so be quiet!'

Jas opened her gob to say something, but I slammed my hand over her mouth again. But then I had to cover my own mouth with my other hand when I saw it...

We both gasped.

Wet Lindsay kissed him!

**10 minutes later**

**In the park with the gang**

That little tart! How dare she! Cheating on Masimo with Robbie like that... Or was she cheating on Robbie with Masimo? 

We're all sitting on the swings - well, the sober ones are, i.e. me and Ellen. The others tried to sit on the swings but fell off almost instantly and now lay in a big heap on the floor. 

Rosie keeps raising her canteen to the sky and saying, 'Thank you God, for another brilliant Halloween. To the Lord!' And then taking a swig. She is mad.

'Are you sure she, like, actually kissed him? Like, what if she was just talking to him and-' 

'Yes, Ellen, I'm sure she kissed him. People don't talk that close to each other,' I said. 

'Yeah, Ellen, no one talks like THIS!' Mabs said, pulling Ellen's face really close to her own so that their noses bumped together. Ellen gave a little yelp and pushed Mabs away, looking thoroughly scared.

'Why do you even care, anyway, Georgia?' Jas said, even though I could barely understand a word she was saying. 

'Jas, does Tom know you are now an alcoholic?' 

'PFFTT, Tom couldn't care less!' She said, flinging her arms out in exasperation. 'He doesn't LOVE me if he's leaving me to go to Hamburger-a-go-go! He is LEAVING ME,' She said, and then started giggling uncontrollably. How tres sad. 

'Jas, why are you giggling? I thought Tom was your one and only one, forever.' I said. 

'Yeah, well, there are other fish in the sea and new eggs in the nest, if you know what I mean.' she replied, fluffing out her hair. What what?! 

'Jas! You can't just give up on Tom because he's going to look at Uni's in America! You two are meant to be!'  
>Everyone kind of looked at me then, as if I'd just set myself on fire. Even I was a bit shocked at myself. <p>

'Well, I just mean that.. Well...'

Jools said, 'I think Gee has developed the Horn for you two, Jas. She is a pervert.'

'I am NOT a pervert!' I said, throwing a jelly baby at her. How dare she.

I sighed in frustration. 'Jas, you and Tom have been together forever, and everyone always looks up to you two as the perfect couple who - no matter what - always stick together. So I just don't think you should just give up like that.'  
>Everyone stared again. Still staring. It's a little unnerving, really.<br>Then Jas sniffled a little bit. 'Oh, Gee-Gee... That's so sweet!' She said, and flung herself upon me. I had to grab the chain of the swing to make sure we didn't both go crashing to the ground. 

'Erm, Jas...' 

'I love you, Gee.'  
>Oh dear. <p>

'Jas... Come on, Jas. We don't want another lezzie rumour...' 

Uh-oh, too late. Here come a group of lads through the park gate, shoving each other and so on. 

'Ay-oh, what's happening here then? A little lezzie gangbang?' One of them said.  
>Oh nooo, not these prats, not now... <p>

'Oy, buzz off, you dumb-bells.' Rosie said, swinging her canteen around her head.  
>Oh no, now they're coming over. No, no no no...<br>For some reason I was getting a really bad feeling. I think it may have just been that it was dark and they were smoking and holding beer cans, and the leader had a shaved head like some thug out of Eastenders, but I just really didn't feel safe... 

'What was that, you little bitch?' One of them spat at Rosie. Oh buggering bugger, we're in trouble. 

Rosie just sat there, looking scared and staring at him. 

'Oh, PISS OFF!' Jas screamed, throwing one of her shoes at the guy's head. But it just made him angrier. 

'Right, that's it.' The guy said, walking over to Jas really quickly. 

'Jas, RUN!' I shouted at her, legging it myself. We all ran like billio, but they started following us. Oh, bugger bugger and bums! We're so dead!

**2 minutes later**

As if the heavens had just opened up and given birth to him or whatever, Dave and the lads emerged (oo-er - NO, this is not the time for inside jokes, brain) from around the corner and we barrelled head-first into them. 

'Ohmygod, DAVE!' I said in relief, flinging my arms around him. I didn't care if I looked like a red-faced loon from all the running, my Davey was here to save the day.  
>Rosie leapt onto Sven's back and bured her face in his hair. Bless her, I think she got really scared. I don't think I've ever seen her like this.. Atleast, not since she almost got in a fight with Wet Lindsay.<p>

The group of lads rounded the corner, and Dave stood in front of me, like he was protecting me. Aww! Like my own little bodyguard. 

'Is there a problem?' Dave said. He didn't even say it aggressively, which I am so glad about. 

'Nah mate, just one of those birds got lairy to us. Just wanted to sort 'em out.' The guy said, shifting a little bit. 

'Well, we'll 'sort them out' for you then, yeah?' Dave said, eyeing the other guy up. Not in a rudey-dudey way, just a kind of, back-off-mate kind of way. Which was vair sexy scrumboes. 

'Yeah, alright then.' The shaved-head guy said, and they all turned around and left.  
>I let out a sigh of relief. <p>

'God, we almost just got killed!' I said. And I am not lying. 

'What were you doing in the park at night?' Dave said to me. He looked really serious-Davey-like now. Ohh noo, I don't like this Dave. He had better not be angry with me.

'We were just.. Well, we had been trick-or-treating and.. We just...'

He sighed. 'It's not safe. All the guys who think they're real tough-nuts around here hang out there at night to get hammered. Don't do it again, okay?' He said, looking right into my eyes. Ohhh he's so gorgey, and he really cares about me.

'I promise, Dave.' I said, and smiled.

Then he took a step back and looked at my whole outfit. Then he cracked a smile. Oh no.

'Kittykat, what in God's name of pants are you wearing?'

Oh balls in heaven. This has to be the worst night ever.

'Excuse me, Mister Dave-meister, but I wouldn't insult their genius outfits if I were you, because I made them myself.' Rosie said from Sven's shoulders. This meant that we all had to crane our necks to see where her voice was coming from.

'Oh, no I think they're great. Very artistic.' Dave said.

'Nice save,' I said to him, poking him in the ribs. He cringed and then swatted my hand away.

'Don't do that.' He said, but I saw his cheeks go red.

'Aww, what's wrong, Davey? Are you ticklish?' I said with a grin, poking him repeatedly in the ribs. He squirmed and then grabbed my hand and looked at me for an instant, just so I would have time to realise what he was going to do.

I just had time to say 'NO DAVE!' before I was swept up and over his shoulder like a defensless little child. A child in a bloody alien suit. Great.

**11:00pm**

**Nearly home**

Walking hand-in-hand with Dave. The others peeled off a bit earlier to go to the fish and chip shop, but Dave and I wanted to walk together for a bit. It's so nice, being with him alone under the stars. Well, it was until I saw Angus and Gordy chasing each other up and down our street, screeching and pretty much doing the cat-olympics down the road. Dave thinks it's hilarious.

'Kittykat, we have got to get cats like yours when we live together. We could train them up and be famous.' He said, watching them run around like mad little kitties.

I stared at him. What did he just say? When we... Live together?

'Erm... I wasn't aware we were already planning on moving in together.' I said in a (what I like to think) light-hearted tone. We stopped at my gate, and he looked at me and smiled.

'Of course we are. I want a big house with a balcony so we can re-enact Titanic in front of the sea.'

'Oh, okay. But I'm being Jack.' I said.

'No problem. I always wanted red hair.'

I biffed him. 'Dave, you would not suit red hair. You would look like such a loon.'

He took my face in his hands. 'But, Kittykat, I am a loon. That is why you love me.'

And he kissed me on the lips. It was such a sweet, soft kiss that really stirred something inside of me (which feels better than it sounds), and it was so lovely and romantic that I couldn't stop what I said next from coming out.

'Yes, I do love you.'

He stopped and stared at me. His eyes were wide in what I think (and hope) was shock, and he just kind of didn't say anything for a while. He stayed frozen still. I stared back at him, thinking about what I just said. Should I have said that? Do I regret it?

And then I realised, no, I don't regret it. Not one bit. I love him and he should know it.

Now was the time.

I put my arms around his neck and smiled softly. 'I love you, Dave.'

And then I kissed him.

At first, he just went with it, staying in exactly the same position with his hands frozen on either side of my face. But then something must have happened - maybe he suddenly heard the faraway call of the Horn - but he looped his arm around my waist and pulled me in tight, kissing me fiercely and passionately. Just how he kissed me all those times we shouldn't have kissed. Just the way that made me fall in love with him.

We stood there and snogged for what seemed like hours - I couldn't care less what the time was. I was there in his arms and I had finally said what had been building up in me for so long. And it wasn't, 'I thought you were gay once.' My stomach was doing flips and it was like fireworks were going off above my head and music was blasting in my ears. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster, spinning out of control. It was the best snogging session I had ever had in my life.

When we slowed down and he finally broke slowly away from me, his eyes were sparkling with what I think were actual tears. He didn't move away from me, but he said - in a really quiet (and sexy) whisper, 'I love you too, Georgia.'

My heart fell into my stomach.

I felt like gravity had just given up on me and I had flown into the sky without a care in the world. DAVE LOVES ME! YES!

I smiled my head off and he kissed me again and we just kissed and kissed and kissed, laughing and smiling and holding each other. I was so happy, I think if I died right there, I wouldn't mind. Dave loves me, and that's all that matters. Dave loves me.


	9. Author's Note

HEY

So, im sorry that i've only just started finishing this and now i have to wait again, but im off on holiday for 10 days so i wont upload until i get back. SORRY

But whilst im away i will carry on writing so i can update ASAP.

:D

LOVE YOU ALL


End file.
